One Way Out – Creative Writing University

Creative Writing Stories

Mascara, lipstick, lip gloss. Black dress, shining shoes, painted toes. Hair curled, hair tie out, no tacky hair clips or polka dot bows to be placed in her hair. That is what he asked of her, that is how he wanted Rosie to be presented…he was very particular… he wanted class and sophistication with a hint of danger. He knew he was in control and that she would do what he wanted. He held the key to manipulation… Money.

The cab that had been ordered for her pulled up outside Rosie’s home. Her legs felt as if they had been dismembered as she crept down her staircase, making sure she didn’t wake any of her house mates up. They couldn’t know where she was going or who she was going to be with. Looking in the mirror one last time and finishing the pure spirit that she had been drinking out of her mug in one, she made her way out of the door.

“Where you off to tonight then love?” The friendly cab driver asked her. 

“Oh, no where special, just out for a few drinks with a friend.” Rosie responded meekly, more concentrated on the now painful feeling of butterflies subsiding in her stomach. 

“Coor dressed like that! You look amazing!” he responded. 

“Aha thank you”, said Rosie.

The journey to the restaurant in central London felt like it took no time at all. Rosie wished it had lasted longer. She was panicked at the unknown world she was about to enter. But she needed cash and she needed it quickly. Her rent was due as well as the never-ending course fees, study books and her need to eat. 

Stepping out of the cab she thanked the driver politely and paced her way into the entrance of the restaurant. She saw him immediately … apparent as day light. He was sat up straight, pinstripe suit tailored to fit with a crimson tie, matching the glass of red wine that was placed on the table where his hands were resting, waiting for her. He – who went by the name “rockyedge72” on the seeking arrangement dating app – looked directly at Rosie. A smile appeared and a menacing mischievous look in his eye. He knew how the dinner was going to turn out. 

Rosie strode over, heart in her throat and pain in her chest. The only thing helping her cope with the thriving feeling of angst was the money, eight hundred pounds. This was going to help her…

“Listen to my instructions, walk upstairs and get in the shower. I will follow you.” 

It all happened so quickly after her granting ‘rocky edges’ wishes and moving the dinner upstairs to the hotel. The deed was done and the cash was in her hand. She wasn’t in debt any more, she could pay her rent and buy her food. But the sinking feeling in her gut felt like she had made the wrong decision. She felt as if she had degraded herself, ruined the happiness that intimacy was meant to bring to the parties involved. Maybe it was the twenty- five -year age gap, or the fact he was married and this was his filthy fantasy? Oh no! No. It was the exchange of sex for money… 

She threw up in the cab that had come to collect her and burst into tears…

“Why did I do that?”

Full Face

Uncategorised

I logged onto WordPress, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter this morning and every other morning this week has been filled with Covid-19 information, jokes, memes and so much more – which is of course extremely important but I thought I would sway away from this and show you all a full face of makeup.

I am in no way shape or form a qualified makeup artist but after a recent Instagram upload (I’ll pop it below) girls have asked me what makeup I use to paint my face so I’ll list the products and links to purchase below for you all.

Okay so the photo next to me is the face I recieved so many lovely comments on!

Eyebrows

I have always had small eyebrows, I think it’s a genetic issue lol- ( because I never plucked or shaved them when I was younger – sooooo that means I have had to learn the art of drawing eyebrows on properly, and focus on what is socially acceptable (it’s hard!) The products I use to make this easier are:

~ The Anastasia Beverly hills dip brow pomade, Shade: Taupe ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/l/?q=anastasia%20beverly%20hills%20dip%20brow

~ The Zoeva 317 wing liner brush ~ This is a GAME CHANGER the angle is perfect for filling in brows or drawing them on and it’s under a tenner! ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/zoeva/317-wing-liner-brush/

Eyeshadow

I laaaaaaav eyeshadow and have so many palettes, at the moment I am however only using the Anastasia Beverly hills palette but there are so many dupes because I know some of them are a bit pricey for people (let me know if you want me to do a dupe post) – I have been mix and matching the colours in both of the below palettes because the pinks in the modern renaissance are go-rg-eo-us

~ Modern Renaissance eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/modern-renaissance-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Soft Glam eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/soft-glam-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Stila stay all day waterproof liquid eye liner, Colour: Intense Black ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/stila/stay-all-day-waterproof-liquid-eye-liner/intense-black/

Face

The products I use such as foundations and concealers are higher end products because drugstore products never went well with my skin and spending an extra bit of money works wonders in terms of colour matching, effectiveness of the product and the weight of the product on your skin!

~NARS Sheerglow glow foundation, shade: Barcelona~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-sheer-glow-foundation.html

~ NARS Radiant creamy concealer, Shade: Creme Brulee ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-radiant-creamy-concealer.html?variant_id=17358

~ Benefit Hoola bronzer, Shade: You can either get the popular shade which I cannot find the name of or Benefit have released a caramel bronzer which looks gorg! ~Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/benefit-hoola.html

Lips

~ MAC cosmetics Lip pencil, Shade: Spice ~ Link: https://www.maccosmetics.co.uk/product/13852/340/products/makeup/lips/lip-pencil/lip-pencil

~Charlotte Tilbury Matte revolution lipstick, Shade: Pillowtalk ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/charlotte-tilbury-matte-revolution.html?variant_id=11180

So, those are all the products I used to create a full face of makeup they all work effectively with my face and give it a clean look (no cakey or sweaty makeup) If anyone wants to know more or wants a video of the application for the facial zones – let me know in the comments or on my social media!

Stay safe during this difficult time for the entire world

All my love,

Intent for Content

xox

We’re not just students

A Personal Perspective, Uncategorised

University.

It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.

  1. Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
  2. Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
  3. Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
  4. Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!

I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…

We’re not just students.

Intent for content

x

p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx

Its time to say hello

Tatiana

Hey! I am Tatiana Murray (Tatz for short) and this is my blog, Intent for Content. I have kept my name annoymous for over a year now but I am ready, ready to open my life completely to anyone who may stumble across my blog, accidentally or on purpose. I feared how people who know me would react, would they laugh at my stories, my experiences or my little anecdotes? but I no longer care. Welcome to my world! this is me….

A bit about me, where do I even start!

I am 19 years old, I go to University and I am studying English Literature and Creative Writing (which explains some of my maybe deeper more emotional posts). I love to read, love to exercise – but also eat 900 krispy kreme donuts in one sitting, I started this blog over a year ago now and the response via the viewers i’ve gotten has been amazing! I have loved connecting with people from across the world and I love this kind of community, even though sometimes what I publish could go down well or the opposite. I have always been in touch with writing and even more so now I am doing a degree dedicated to improving the way I write…I am obsessed with documenting everything, I film and log my life every day (maybe I should be a youtuber and not a blogger ahahah) because making memories is so important…especially if you’re ever having a down day.

I sometimes wear makeup and I sometimes don’t, I am sometimes pale yet sometimes tanned, I sometimes have short hair but sometimes its long, I sometimes put weight on and sometimes I don’t and I am ALWAYS happy, but sometimes sad. I cherish my family and friends and I cherish the moments with more money and with less and that is how I make life the best.

So to finish my little introduction here are some photos to flick through – there will be many more… Thank you so much for reading… this has been,

Intent for Content, By Tatiana Murray

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Is it disrespectful to like girls photos when you are in a relationship…

advice

Relationships can be challenging at times without the affects of social media, especially when establishing boundaries between whats acceptable and respectful towards your significant other. Social media could just be a problem for the younger generation and there partners as we are always glued to our phones and have been raised in the generation that social media has got bigger and bigger…and bigger.

A popular topic for debate is social media, in particular apps such as Instagram and Facebook. There are so many other people, friends and acquaintance’s posting there best angles and prettiest filters, as well as there figures for everyone to see. Innocent actions such as posting a photo or a video can trigger anger, jealousy or sometimes insecurity when these posts are liked by those in a relationship and opinions are definitley mixed when talking about it. Is it stupid to be angry at something online? Should it really be a cause for accusations? Is the argument justified?

What do you think?

Personally, if I was in a relationship (which im not – im very single, however very happy!) this wouldn’t bother me…I mean it bothered me when my ex partner slept with other people, not so much the liking photos haha. I put social media in a seperate box to the real world, even though I do get insecure I wouldn’t say that my partner liking another womans photo is justification for arguments and potentially ruining a good thing but I can understand why people can be affected by it.

I was thinking a lot about it so asked around and one of the reasons that affected some people was the insecurity when seeing that there boyfriend/girlfriend has liked someone of the opposite sex photo. I was told by someone that it affects them because the person who has posted the photo can see who has liked it which triggers insecurity in there mind. I can empathise with this point of view because feeling insecure and needing support in your relationship is valid by all means, and if social media responses causes this then it is understandable.

What writing means to me

Uncategorised

We all have our little hobbies or our ways to release life sometimes, because life is hard yet amazing all at the same time. Writing is my release.

Sometimes I forget that this little blog I started writing on over a year ago has genuine viewers, anyone in the world can find my link, log on and read when I am in pain, when I am happy, heartbroken or content…I forget how many people have seen me in the purest light possible.

But I love it. It feels like a therapy session in a way, or just a way to show people a place I have been to or someone I have met that has made an impact on my life. Writing brings me closure and allows me to refocus, it allows me to speak and develop, it has helped me to grow in some situations I thought I would never learn from.

Writing is a way for me to create my own little world, solely dependant on me, my brain and my words…

My life has been crazy this year, it has had so many changes, people have come and gone but the one constant that has always remained is my writing.

Intent for content

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My take on the gym

A Personal Perspective, Travel, Places & Lifestyle, Uncategorised

Okay, so…the dreaded gym. Well it’s not dreaded when you begin going and start enjoying yourself… I tell fibs.

However, recently when I have been in the gym I have been forming somewhat an opinion – or actually lets call it an observation on people.

For example…Makeup?! How on earth can some women wear a full face of makeup, full on contour, lipstick, eyeshadow and eyelashes to workout in? honestly do they not sweat like me? I look like a whale that has surfaced onto the pavement when I exercise. My face goes bright red and I sweat an excessive amount. If I was to wear makeup to the gym I could open a bakery from all of the cake coming off of my face. – I’m so envious that these women can wear that and look utterly perfect whilst working out, it’s not fair!

Another observation I found yesterday was the leg press. Now, we all have a little rest on the leg press machine because, erm its difficult! but this guy was full on sat on the leg press machine for 30 minutes on his phone – then there is me free willy trying to make eye contact so I can go on it and get what I needed to do done – you see I like to go to the gym as quickly as possible haha. But he literally did not move for the duration of his time on the leg press. There was not one leg extension or even so much of a movement, apart from his thumbs on his mobiles keyboard!

I love watching the men have testosterone wars though (I don’t observe from the leg press just to add). They all stand before the big gym mirrors, pumping there shoulders and chests as much as possible…maybe to assert authority to one another, i’m not sure. But I just find it interesting to watch because I myself would never flex in the gym mirror – I mean I only have cellulite to flex at the moment but it still counts!

My last observation would be getting side tracked by how some people look flawless whilst working out. They literally have the perfect form, perfect gym wear and know exactly what they’re doing. It shys me away from the weight area because I get worried i’m going to break my back or make myself look like a complete twat…I do my weight lifting when no one is around to avoid the embarrassment…I have also decided that I need to invest in some cool “gym goer” gym wear, just for the added affect…

Thank you for reading as always – I also am loving the communication on instagram – My follower count isn’t high but I like that you all interact with me on there! @intentforcontent

Intent For Content

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Solitude – Creative Writing Stories University

Creative Writing Stories

My solitude had grown wary but today, yes today was the day where I would change that, finally. Today is the day where I tell you my story, the story that has brought me to this place and time to tell you all from a different world…

I had every-thing people would dream and describe happiness is. The diamonds, the cars, the watches, the latest technology and lets not forget the mansion. I had everything that society says can bring peace and happiness, I had money and security. But I didn’t have him. 

I was alone with everything we had built together. I would wake up with the pain of what had happened and an empty space next to me as I turned over. This was, every…single…day. I stopped smiling, laughing, dancing and cooking in the kitchen amongst all of the quirky hanging signs we had picked out together. I was a demoralising presence to be around. Yet I couldn’t change. They say heartache is meant to get better, eventually one day, but it wasn’t going to for me.

I watched them kill him. Watched them propel the knife back and forth, immediately penetrating through his skin and into his body. They had a hold of me. I kicked and shoved and bit with all of my might trying to get them off me, trying to get to him, my love, my life, before it was too late. My wail was piercing, I wanted them to do something, anything, stop it. They could of taken everything off of me; the diamonds, the cars, the watches and the mansion. I wouldn’t of cared…but they took him. The piece of my life that matched my heart and soul. The piece that took me as far away from the solitude that wore thin in my eyes and my heart from gut wrenching loneliness. I saw him struggling, saw him helpless, I saw him losing his breath, I saw him look at me as he was dying before my eyes. I saw his lips mouth “I love you” before he collapsed to the floor with nothing left to save him. I saw him die. 

They did that to him. They did that to us. Those four men whom had been hired as hit men to solve a drug insolvency. Those four men that were idiotic enough to be involved in a murder, let alone the murder of an honest innocent man. My man. Destroyed his life and mine. They slaughtered him as if he was nothing, they didn’t listen to my scream. They weren’t going to hear us out, there mission was to kill.

I waited approximately five hundred and two days in solitude before it grew wary. I was in unbelievable pain, silence and loneliness every day. Nothing I did was good enough, absolutely nothing took the pain away. Only he could. I needed to be with him, I couldn’t go on without him. I wanted the security and happiness that oozed off of his character back. I needed him. 

Which is why on that dark dreary day in Wolverhampton I decided my solitude was over, it had worn thin… 

I was found hanging from the balcony in my mansion, surrounded by the riches and lavish things in a home we had built together. I had so much going for me, we had so much planned for our future, yet it was all destroyed. Only to be found by that mail man the next morning. It was over. That’s it, that’s my story. That is how I died, wanting to be with him. 

Across the Ocean

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

In June my best friend and I decided to book a trip across the ocean. We wanted to relax by a pool with the sweltering but beautiful heat hitting our skin turning our milk bottle complexions into pretty olive skin. We wanted to eat and drink and visit the seaside and be happy and at peace from reality for the week. And we did. Turkey was the most incredible holiday ever. I am so glad we booked to go, I wish we had made the decision to stay longer because I could’ve been there for weeks let alone 7 days…which in reality is 5 days due to travelling across the ocean and onto roads whilst catching up on the time difference and tanning routine.

When we arrived in Alanya Turkey we instantly felt the heat hit our faces. Obviously English weather is a tad bit different because it is either raining, freezing cold or we have had a couple days of dry weather, so we were in tracksuits equipped to walk the English streets, not the Turkish ones haha. After the boring bits were completed like passport control (which for anyone wondering about Turkey, you have to purchase a visa to enter the country beforehand online), and our airport transfer. We arrived at side crown sunshine.

The hotel was amazing, it was beautifully lit and had a bar, water fountain and indoor and outdoor seating areas. It was dark when we got there so we looked out from the balcony and saw the pool lit up and the sun loungers just waiting for us. Dinner was being served in the all inclusive resorts resturant, we realised it was mostly German and Polish orientated food…apart from the baclava (my FAV dessert) which I filled up on immediatley.

The resort at night time when standing by the pool

We spent the rest of the week sunbathing, laughing, mucking around, watching the shows in the evenings, eating and sleeping. Much to the Germans delight, who didn’t take a shining to us as the only English people there. That was the only negative I would say about the holiday. The resort was dominated by those whom had come from Germany, they would stare at us both and judge our every move. One night a woman physically moved away from us in disgust. It was quite confusing as I always treat everybody the way I like to be treated; I always smile, hold doors open, say please and thank you and help when help is needed. So I was quite shocked to be judged in that kind of way.

However, we didn’t let it affect us to the point where it ruined our holiday. We still had the best time and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Side Crown Sunshine in Alanya served us well…me a little too well as I try to burn off the pancakes, ice cream, turkish rice and baclava now I am back in the U.K….

My favourite parts of the holiday were definitley watching the shows in the evening whilst drinking vodka lemon and when we went to the beach during the day. My mum always did call me a water baby and I have always loved the sea…especially when it is super choppy with waves as you can have more fun diving into them or trying to avoid them. I also loved the fact that I was stress free and completley confident for the week I was out there. Maybe it was because no one there knew me so it helped.

Trying to master balancing and breathing in on the wall outside our room – a talent for the CV in my opinion haha.

I was truly content in Turkey. It was the perfect way to book end the summer season before I began at university…and make some memories I will always remember.

Intent For Content

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