Dear Diary – Creative Writing

Creative Writing Stories

I am a little scared today…I didn’t sleep much last night. I couldn’t, too much noise. The air raid siren went off at 7pm when we were having dinner and we ran to the bottom of the garden where our bunker is and we have been here ever since.

Mother keeps telling me it is going to be alright, that the horrible people that like destroying things and our home are going to stop being horrible one day. That we just have to stay here, in our bunker, with our books and games and horrible, cold beans that are coming out of a tin and wait, wait to be told it is over. I know Alysia is right when she says we musn’t complain, and I wouldn’t understand the half of what is going on but I do. I know I’m her little brother and it’s easier to say that to me, but I can see what they see.

I can see the war outside. I can, how can I not?

I miss father. I miss him reading to me before bed, or kicking the ball about our garden after I’ve finished all of my maths puzzles ready for school. I wonder where he is, I wonder if he is ok…if he is hurt. My god diary I miss him, do you think he got my letter? I sent it 2 weeks ago now but I haven’t heard back. Oh what do you know you’re just a piece of paper at the end of the day, I’m so silly. I know he’s busy anyway…but I miss him…we all do.

Speak tomorrow Diary

Love Tommy 🙂

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Getting Back With Your Ex ~ Lost Cause Or Not?

relationships

I have been pondering the thought of whether getting back into a relationship after, for whatever reason, you decided to call it quits, is a good idea. Can some couples go back to being the way that they were before life or eachother intervened with there dynamic?

Personally, I sway more towards the answer of no. I think it’s a lost cause unless the breakup wasn’t either persons fault. For example, if someone goes to university or someone goes travelling and the relationship has ended to protect one anothers feelings. I believe people can come back together in those sort of circumstances because sometimes life does get in the way. I think there has to be a bit of leeway with relationships so giving something one more chance and seeing how it goes is a good thing…however, if two people have broken up and gotten together more than once they need to accept that there relationship is a lost cause, I know this from my previous experiences.

When I was 18 years old I got into a relationship with a 27 year old, thinking I was mega mature and a grown up. Disregarding the other elements that destroyed the relationship such as the mental abuse and physical. I remember it was a downward slope when we both ended the relationship with one another. We did it, not once. not twice. three times? nooope lets try again this is working! four times and then FIVE bloody times before I was strong enough to accept defeat. It became the most mind numbing, pointless thing and it definitley affected us both mentally to the point where a year later I want someone in my life but at the same time I don’t because it scares me the picking up and dropping a person can do to another. So from that perspective I would say ab-so-lut-ley NOT to taking back an ex… You’re better than that.

JD ~ “It depends on what the couple have gone through – toxic relationships can sometimes take a couple of go’s in order for both parties to realise how detrimental they are to eachother. However I’ve known people to get back together and make it because they needed time to work on themselves in order to be part of a due.”

LM ~ “If the relationship ended just because of something like distance in a long distance relationship then I reckon get back together if your paths cross. Cheating or fallen out of love – absolutley do not take back but if it ended due to circumstance and life but there was still something there then absolutley go for it.”

BT ~ “If I got back with an ex where the relationship failed due to serious reasons I would be seen as weak. It is never a good idea to get back with an ex…unless there is a different circumstance.

The answers I look for in these questions are more to be debated because can you really. make a weighted judgement on something like getting back with an ex? I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer unless the circumstance involes a bad relationship then it is always NO NO and NO, but as I have learnt myself that is something that is extremely difficult to do when you’re in love or think you’re in love. However, after conducting research and asking the question “Do you think getting back with an ex is a lost cause or not?” to others, the definitive answer was yes, it is a lost cause.

On my Instagram: tatianaxmurray ~ I conducted a poll asking my followers to vote ~ I thought the poll would be interesting as you get to click one or the other and cannot ponder the reasons, so people’s answers came from there immediate thought when seeing the questions. It was fascinating to get answers from strangers of all different ages ~ The beauty of the instaaaaaa ~ 76% of voters said it is a lost cause whilst the other 26% said it wasn’t.

So if a one worded answer was to come from the question it is yes, getting back with your ex is a lost cause!

Intent For Content

xox

One Way Out – Creative Writing University

Creative Writing Stories

Mascara, lipstick, lip gloss. Black dress, shining shoes, painted toes. Hair curled, hair tie out, no tacky hair clips or polka dot bows to be placed in her hair. That is what he asked of her, that is how he wanted Rosie to be presented…he was very particular… he wanted class and sophistication with a hint of danger. He knew he was in control and that she would do what he wanted. He held the key to manipulation… Money.

The cab that had been ordered for her pulled up outside Rosie’s home. Her legs felt as if they had been dismembered as she crept down her staircase, making sure she didn’t wake any of her house mates up. They couldn’t know where she was going or who she was going to be with. Looking in the mirror one last time and finishing the pure spirit that she had been drinking out of her mug in one, she made her way out of the door.

“Where you off to tonight then love?” The friendly cab driver asked her. 

“Oh, no where special, just out for a few drinks with a friend.” Rosie responded meekly, more concentrated on the now painful feeling of butterflies subsiding in her stomach. 

“Coor dressed like that! You look amazing!” he responded. 

“Aha thank you”, said Rosie.

The journey to the restaurant in central London felt like it took no time at all. Rosie wished it had lasted longer. She was panicked at the unknown world she was about to enter. But she needed cash and she needed it quickly. Her rent was due as well as the never-ending course fees, study books and her need to eat. 

Stepping out of the cab she thanked the driver politely and paced her way into the entrance of the restaurant. She saw him immediately … apparent as day light. He was sat up straight, pinstripe suit tailored to fit with a crimson tie, matching the glass of red wine that was placed on the table where his hands were resting, waiting for her. He – who went by the name “rockyedge72” on the seeking arrangement dating app – looked directly at Rosie. A smile appeared and a menacing mischievous look in his eye. He knew how the dinner was going to turn out. 

Rosie strode over, heart in her throat and pain in her chest. The only thing helping her cope with the thriving feeling of angst was the money, eight hundred pounds. This was going to help her…

“Listen to my instructions, walk upstairs and get in the shower. I will follow you.” 

It all happened so quickly after her granting ‘rocky edges’ wishes and moving the dinner upstairs to the hotel. The deed was done and the cash was in her hand. She wasn’t in debt any more, she could pay her rent and buy her food. But the sinking feeling in her gut felt like she had made the wrong decision. She felt as if she had degraded herself, ruined the happiness that intimacy was meant to bring to the parties involved. Maybe it was the twenty- five -year age gap, or the fact he was married and this was his filthy fantasy? Oh no! No. It was the exchange of sex for money… 

She threw up in the cab that had come to collect her and burst into tears…

“Why did I do that?”

Full Face

Uncategorised

I logged onto WordPress, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter this morning and every other morning this week has been filled with Covid-19 information, jokes, memes and so much more – which is of course extremely important but I thought I would sway away from this and show you all a full face of makeup.

I am in no way shape or form a qualified makeup artist but after a recent Instagram upload (I’ll pop it below) girls have asked me what makeup I use to paint my face so I’ll list the products and links to purchase below for you all.

Okay so the photo next to me is the face I recieved so many lovely comments on!

Eyebrows

I have always had small eyebrows, I think it’s a genetic issue lol- ( because I never plucked or shaved them when I was younger – sooooo that means I have had to learn the art of drawing eyebrows on properly, and focus on what is socially acceptable (it’s hard!) The products I use to make this easier are:

~ The Anastasia Beverly hills dip brow pomade, Shade: Taupe ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/l/?q=anastasia%20beverly%20hills%20dip%20brow

~ The Zoeva 317 wing liner brush ~ This is a GAME CHANGER the angle is perfect for filling in brows or drawing them on and it’s under a tenner! ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/zoeva/317-wing-liner-brush/

Eyeshadow

I laaaaaaav eyeshadow and have so many palettes, at the moment I am however only using the Anastasia Beverly hills palette but there are so many dupes because I know some of them are a bit pricey for people (let me know if you want me to do a dupe post) – I have been mix and matching the colours in both of the below palettes because the pinks in the modern renaissance are go-rg-eo-us

~ Modern Renaissance eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/modern-renaissance-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Soft Glam eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/soft-glam-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Stila stay all day waterproof liquid eye liner, Colour: Intense Black ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/stila/stay-all-day-waterproof-liquid-eye-liner/intense-black/

Face

The products I use such as foundations and concealers are higher end products because drugstore products never went well with my skin and spending an extra bit of money works wonders in terms of colour matching, effectiveness of the product and the weight of the product on your skin!

~NARS Sheerglow glow foundation, shade: Barcelona~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-sheer-glow-foundation.html

~ NARS Radiant creamy concealer, Shade: Creme Brulee ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-radiant-creamy-concealer.html?variant_id=17358

~ Benefit Hoola bronzer, Shade: You can either get the popular shade which I cannot find the name of or Benefit have released a caramel bronzer which looks gorg! ~Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/benefit-hoola.html

Lips

~ MAC cosmetics Lip pencil, Shade: Spice ~ Link: https://www.maccosmetics.co.uk/product/13852/340/products/makeup/lips/lip-pencil/lip-pencil

~Charlotte Tilbury Matte revolution lipstick, Shade: Pillowtalk ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/charlotte-tilbury-matte-revolution.html?variant_id=11180

So, those are all the products I used to create a full face of makeup they all work effectively with my face and give it a clean look (no cakey or sweaty makeup) If anyone wants to know more or wants a video of the application for the facial zones – let me know in the comments or on my social media!

Stay safe during this difficult time for the entire world

All my love,

Intent for Content

xox

We’re not just students

A Personal Perspective, Uncategorised

University.

It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.

  1. Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
  2. Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
  3. Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
  4. Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!

I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…

We’re not just students.

Intent for content

x

p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx

Its time to say hello

Tatiana

Hey! I am Tatiana Murray (Tatz for short) and this is my blog, Intent for Content. I have kept my name annoymous for over a year now but I am ready, ready to open my life completely to anyone who may stumble across my blog, accidentally or on purpose. I feared how people who know me would react, would they laugh at my stories, my experiences or my little anecdotes? but I no longer care. Welcome to my world! this is me….

A bit about me, where do I even start!

I am 19 years old, I go to University and I am studying English Literature and Creative Writing (which explains some of my maybe deeper more emotional posts). I love to read, love to exercise – but also eat 900 krispy kreme donuts in one sitting, I started this blog over a year ago now and the response via the viewers i’ve gotten has been amazing! I have loved connecting with people from across the world and I love this kind of community, even though sometimes what I publish could go down well or the opposite. I have always been in touch with writing and even more so now I am doing a degree dedicated to improving the way I write…I am obsessed with documenting everything, I film and log my life every day (maybe I should be a youtuber and not a blogger ahahah) because making memories is so important…especially if you’re ever having a down day.

I sometimes wear makeup and I sometimes don’t, I am sometimes pale yet sometimes tanned, I sometimes have short hair but sometimes its long, I sometimes put weight on and sometimes I don’t and I am ALWAYS happy, but sometimes sad. I cherish my family and friends and I cherish the moments with more money and with less and that is how I make life the best.

So to finish my little introduction here are some photos to flick through – there will be many more… Thank you so much for reading… this has been,

Intent for Content, By Tatiana Murray

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Is it disrespectful to like girls photos when you are in a relationship…

advice

Relationships can be challenging at times without the affects of social media, especially when establishing boundaries between whats acceptable and respectful towards your significant other. Social media could just be a problem for the younger generation and there partners as we are always glued to our phones and have been raised in the generation that social media has got bigger and bigger…and bigger.

A popular topic for debate is social media, in particular apps such as Instagram and Facebook. There are so many other people, friends and acquaintance’s posting there best angles and prettiest filters, as well as there figures for everyone to see. Innocent actions such as posting a photo or a video can trigger anger, jealousy or sometimes insecurity when these posts are liked by those in a relationship and opinions are definitley mixed when talking about it. Is it stupid to be angry at something online? Should it really be a cause for accusations? Is the argument justified?

What do you think?

Personally, if I was in a relationship (which im not – im very single, however very happy!) this wouldn’t bother me…I mean it bothered me when my ex partner slept with other people, not so much the liking photos haha. I put social media in a seperate box to the real world, even though I do get insecure I wouldn’t say that my partner liking another womans photo is justification for arguments and potentially ruining a good thing but I can understand why people can be affected by it.

I was thinking a lot about it so asked around and one of the reasons that affected some people was the insecurity when seeing that there boyfriend/girlfriend has liked someone of the opposite sex photo. I was told by someone that it affects them because the person who has posted the photo can see who has liked it which triggers insecurity in there mind. I can empathise with this point of view because feeling insecure and needing support in your relationship is valid by all means, and if social media responses causes this then it is understandable.

What writing means to me

Uncategorised

We all have our little hobbies or our ways to release life sometimes, because life is hard yet amazing all at the same time. Writing is my release.

Sometimes I forget that this little blog I started writing on over a year ago has genuine viewers, anyone in the world can find my link, log on and read when I am in pain, when I am happy, heartbroken or content…I forget how many people have seen me in the purest light possible.

But I love it. It feels like a therapy session in a way, or just a way to show people a place I have been to or someone I have met that has made an impact on my life. Writing brings me closure and allows me to refocus, it allows me to speak and develop, it has helped me to grow in some situations I thought I would never learn from.

Writing is a way for me to create my own little world, solely dependant on me, my brain and my words…

My life has been crazy this year, it has had so many changes, people have come and gone but the one constant that has always remained is my writing.

Intent for content

x

My take on the gym

A Personal Perspective, Travel, Places & Lifestyle, Uncategorised

Okay, so…the dreaded gym. Well it’s not dreaded when you begin going and start enjoying yourself… I tell fibs.

However, recently when I have been in the gym I have been forming somewhat an opinion – or actually lets call it an observation on people.

For example…Makeup?! How on earth can some women wear a full face of makeup, full on contour, lipstick, eyeshadow and eyelashes to workout in? honestly do they not sweat like me? I look like a whale that has surfaced onto the pavement when I exercise. My face goes bright red and I sweat an excessive amount. If I was to wear makeup to the gym I could open a bakery from all of the cake coming off of my face. – I’m so envious that these women can wear that and look utterly perfect whilst working out, it’s not fair!

Another observation I found yesterday was the leg press. Now, we all have a little rest on the leg press machine because, erm its difficult! but this guy was full on sat on the leg press machine for 30 minutes on his phone – then there is me free willy trying to make eye contact so I can go on it and get what I needed to do done – you see I like to go to the gym as quickly as possible haha. But he literally did not move for the duration of his time on the leg press. There was not one leg extension or even so much of a movement, apart from his thumbs on his mobiles keyboard!

I love watching the men have testosterone wars though (I don’t observe from the leg press just to add). They all stand before the big gym mirrors, pumping there shoulders and chests as much as possible…maybe to assert authority to one another, i’m not sure. But I just find it interesting to watch because I myself would never flex in the gym mirror – I mean I only have cellulite to flex at the moment but it still counts!

My last observation would be getting side tracked by how some people look flawless whilst working out. They literally have the perfect form, perfect gym wear and know exactly what they’re doing. It shys me away from the weight area because I get worried i’m going to break my back or make myself look like a complete twat…I do my weight lifting when no one is around to avoid the embarrassment…I have also decided that I need to invest in some cool “gym goer” gym wear, just for the added affect…

Thank you for reading as always – I also am loving the communication on instagram – My follower count isn’t high but I like that you all interact with me on there! @intentforcontent

Intent For Content

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