It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.
Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!
I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…
We’re not just students.
Intent for content
p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx
Okay, so…the dreaded gym. Well it’s not dreaded when you begin going and start enjoying yourself… I tell fibs.
However, recently when I have been in the gym I have been forming somewhat an opinion – or actually lets call it an observation on people.
For example…Makeup?! How on earth can some women wear a full face of makeup, full on contour, lipstick, eyeshadow and eyelashes to workout in? honestly do they not sweat like me? I look like a whale that has surfaced onto the pavement when I exercise. My face goes bright red and I sweat an excessive amount. If I was to wear makeup to the gym I could open a bakery from all of the cake coming off of my face. – I’m so envious that these women can wear that and look utterly perfect whilst working out, it’s not fair!
Another observation I found yesterday was the leg press. Now, we all have a little rest on the leg press machine because, erm its difficult! but this guy was full on sat on the leg press machine for 30 minutes on his phone – then there is me free willy trying to make eye contact so I can go on it and get what I needed to do done – you see I like to go to the gym as quickly as possible haha. But he literally did not move for the duration of his time on the leg press. There was not one leg extension or even so much of a movement, apart from his thumbs on his mobiles keyboard!
I love watching the men have testosterone wars though (I don’t observe from the leg press just to add). They all stand before the big gym mirrors, pumping there shoulders and chests as much as possible…maybe to assert authority to one another, i’m not sure. But I just find it interesting to watch because I myself would never flex in the gym mirror – I mean I only have cellulite to flex at the moment but it still counts!
My last observation would be getting side tracked by how some people look flawless whilst working out. They literally have the perfect form, perfect gym wear and know exactly what they’re doing. It shys me away from the weight area because I get worried i’m going to break my back or make myself look like a complete twat…I do my weight lifting when no one is around to avoid the embarrassment…I have also decided that I need to invest in some cool “gym goer” gym wear, just for the added affect…
Thank you for reading as always – I also am loving the communication on instagram – My follower count isn’t high but I like that you all interact with me on there! @intentforcontent
My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…
I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.
I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…
Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.
When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…
“The developments of events outside a persons control. Regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power”.
What do you think about fate?
Do you believe that everything in life happens for a reason?
I believe in fate. I believe that you can always hold on to the aspect of fate. Especially when things are tough…or even when they aren’t. I think one day we all end up exactly where we are supposed to be, with exactly who we’re supposed to be with. I like that. Thats what I tell myself. I make sure I remind myself of fate often because one day, the paths my life paints for me will be because of fate…and a little bit of direction.
For example making a career for myself, one that I am happy with, one that serves purpose and contentment for me. I don’t want to think to myself one day that I have regrets and didn’t experience what I was meant to experience. I want to write, whatever i’m doing I want to write. I know that. I believe fate will take me there.
Another one is relationships. I feel like I write a lot about love and relationships. I think its because I love the idea of being in love, I believe in love. I want love. That perfect person to snuggle up with at night, share how your days been, laugh and experience things together… and one that supports you in everything you do and vice versa. Sometimes I have craved love so much that I have rerouted my life to focus on that or a person. However, my mum reminded me of something that I never stop to think of…
“If someone is meant for you, they will make it work no matter the circumstance, no matter the distance and no matter the obstacle…and if they don’t then that person is not for you”. When contemplating this I believe that following this will allow fate to take its course so you end up with who you are meant to be with. Even if sometimes it is going to mean holding the door open for some…fate will take its due course.
I think those are the main details that lead me to fate. Other things such as friendship, travel, education, holidays and events all pave the way to how our lives are meant to end up.
I walked down the steep stair case into the little room…
I saw the black, leather chair I was about to lie on for the hour. Everything was clean and sterile, like a weird hospital room in a movie, but with a kinder feeling to it. There were pretty pictures and drawings entwining with eachother perfectly, flowing around the room until they joined back to the beginning.
My first tattoo was of course a stereotypical quote, haha. I loved the quote and know I always will, the italics made an elegant touch on my thigh. The pain wasn’t too bad just an uncomfortable feeling.
People have there different opinions when it comes to inking your body because of course it is a permanent choice (unless you get lazer removal, the joys of modern technology!) .
Personally I love the thought of tattooing your body because it is somewhat a memory of a time in your life, like a past time. Some tattoos have a deeper meaning such as names of people and quotes which link to peoples real lives. I love the self expression that comes with inking, it is your choice and your decision. When you put it into perspective tattooists are so talented.
Isnt the future such a crazy, scary but exciting thing.
I love imagining my future or talking about it. What do you think about when you think about your future?…
I think about success and never settling. I imagine myself in a gorgeous flat overlooking the sea or a city…there is no inbetween for those two pictures in my head, my home has got to be there or no where. I see myself succeeding and smiling. I see my family safe and happy and successful. I have this beautiful imagination and a goal that cannot be tainted.
I want to give myself an incredible career. I see myself as a top end lawyer. My favourite vision is of myself stood in court. I am defending the innocent, proving the findings I have, battling the wrong doings of the world and not sitting down until it is done. You know when you can create a photo in your head of something? You can feel it inside yourself that, that creation is a guideline to your current state. I believe that is your heart speaking to you in some sort of way, it is giving you that chance to see what your future could be like if you try and you work and you don’t give up. I feel that it is so important that everyone realises that the world has copious amounts of oppurtunity for us.
I am guilty of being side tracked from my future. Everyone worries about me because my head is in the clouds and I am too kind for my own good. Which is fair enough. However, I know that when I sit alone, like I am sat now, I am writing this from my heart and my head. I know where I want to get to and who I want to become. I know that I will get there if I dream enough and protect the mental creation of my future with anything and everything.
I want to achieve more than just earning money, I want a life, I want to travel and see things whilst loving and living. I want to look back one day and never feel like I settled for less, because I am deserving of so many things…I just don’t believe that sometimes.
There is so much to find in this life, so many stones to turn. So much to experience and find and fall in love with. I believe that thinking about your future is imperative to your success in life. It helps to guide you…but always remember to have fun and smile.
How do you describe something that is beautiful? What would you say beauty is?
Is it a smile a heartbeat, laughter, food, alcohol, objects or animals…or is it everything?
Googles definition of beauty is “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”
I have been pondering the definition of beauty for a while now. Especially others opinions and descriptions of it. There is so much stigma around the persona of beauty, which is enhanced by social media. It makes me wonder about the younger generation and what they are growing up amongst. As an almost nineteen year old I have seen what the word beauty can do and trying to live up to someone else’s vision of beauty…no wonder the percentage of cosmetic procedures have gone up these past couple years with breast augumentation surgey rising upwards by 12%. Sometimes I think it is sad that people want to change what they were blessed with.
I spose when I am asked what beauty is I would of suggested another woman because of what I have processed from the use of social media. However, I now believe beauty can be seen in everything and everyone. If I could people at age sixteen to eighteen I would tell them to love themself and everything…
Intent For Content
I want to be more interactive on social media and post more about self confidence…
Now. I know it has been a while. I suppose I became uninspired for a while…which is completley normal when you are going through some difficulty on the interior and exterior of your life. You morphe into a completley different person when times get difficult. It is almost as if your soul has left your body and is waiting to come back when you feel like smiling again. As long as we remember that our soul is going to come back, everything will be okay.
I reached a halt at multiple pathways. I was confused about the pathway I was walking down, where I was headed, who I was headed with and what I was doing in life. I still do get confused, however, I somewhat feel as if I am healing…I am making decisions to create a better me, I am following my heart, what makes me excited, what brings out my big beautiful grin that got lost in these pathways last year.
I am unchaining the lines in my palms and the nail which was placed in my heart. I feel content, happy, relieved…
As I type I remember how happy this blog makes me. It was something I lost direction of.
A Spherical, transparent bubble, with just a hint of colour residing at the bottom. It floats steadily in the air, only bursting when something interferes with the calmness in the air.
It’s almost like humans. We’re all in our own bubble, we all have our own preferences. We burst if something or someone interferes with our energy. We are all different bubbles, everyone is unique. We attach to one another and float together…sometimes we detach to another bubble to find another one. Wether thats family, friends, relationships…we all detach and reattach at some point.
I like to think of it like that. When I feel lonely or have lost someone or something I look at myself as a bubble. It helps put things into perspective. Wether thats feeling lonely, or missing someone, or being completely happy. I’m a bubble, detaching and reattaching all the time…floating. Calmly.
Intent For Content
Hiya all! hope your all well and thank you for following me… I am now on Twitter and Instagram, would love to follow you and engage more 🙂 Have a lovely week.
Comparison is something that is always on my mind, Im always comparing myself thinking that I’m nothing compared to others, I pick apart my appearance and what makes me happy because of the way others look. It’s crazy that I actually allow myself to do this and cause myself unhappiness.
I thought it was just me until I was watching the tv last night. It was a dating programme. I was listening to these women talking about there past relationships. They had been cheated on and I was listening to them blame theirselves and question their appearance. I watched them crying as they spoke about comparing theirselves to the other person, it is not fair that women and maybe even men are made to feel like this either by another person or social media.
But what can help? I think about how I handle comparison…I handle it awfully. It sends me into a zone of insecurity I constantly look at the person I’m comparing myself to and think the worst.
However this week I feel as if I have had a break through within myself after constant doubting. I think my main source of happiness comes from exercise. I mean it takes a lot of motivation to get me into the gym but once I’m there I am happy and always try my best…then I leave satisfied with endorphins bouncing off of me. This week I haven’t thought so many disgusting thoughts about myself and my appearance which is what is normally bombarding my head and my heart. I have been exercising, taking care of myself and working. Now I sit here and write this post I am feeling content about me as a person, I am doing ok, I am doing better…and now I feel I know what to do if I am ever feeling down about myself. That is to exercise. However, I don’t expect to be completely clear of comparison.
To give anyone any advice. Although everyone is different. Never blame yourself for others actions and find an outlet that makes you happy and doesn’t involve others…