Mind Our Minds

Did you know approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK have been suffering from a mental health problem each year? Mental health problems can be anything from anxiety to schizophrenia and all are equally as difficult for the person suffering. I have been reading so many articles recently on male suicide rates rising as they feel as if they can’t talk to anyone if they are struggling. Just because a man is a man doesn’t mean that he should feel like it affects his masculinity if he is struggling mentally, because it doesn’t.

“The rate of suicides in Britain has risen sharply to its highest level since 2002, with men accounting for three-quarters of the number of people who took their own lives last year, official figures show.” – The guardian.

I have in particularly paid attention to the amount of young people suffering with mental health or coming to the irreversible conclusion to end there own life. It is saddening in so many ways and I wanted to bring light to it on my blog and on my social medias because I feel it is important to keep stimulating the conversation of mental health to normalise it and to help people.

I went through a period of severe sadness, I was prescribed sleeping tablets at night time because my thoughts became profound, I stopped talking to my mum and my brothers and my friends, I lashed out angrily for absolutley no reason, I was tired and unsociable, and most would’ve called me rude. Through this dark period I found a release through my writing…

I would say I was depressed for a few months, however, I pulled myself out of the dark place that barely anybody knew I was in. I knew that the storm was going to pass and that I could induce happiness through things such as eating right and exercising. It was difficult though I will never lie, even when doing the right things physically to help I did still struggle. Articles and social media recommends to talk to someone or ring a helpline but when you are in that moment mentally most people wouldn’t be able to do that at the click of there fingers. Talking does help, I realise that now I have spoken about my struggle to those that know me.

5 things I tried, in order to Mind My Mind:

  • Eating right: I cut out the bad food binges that I was subjecting my body too because it wasn’t providing my brain with anything remotely nutritious in order to stand a chance.
  • Exercise: This was a very valuable thing that helped me. Even though I was mentally tired I knew that the gym, a long walk or lifting weights releases the correct hormones (endorphins) which contribute to a less cloudy mood.
  • Talking: Although difficult, people needed to know how I was feeling and although I didnt tell them immediatley and tried to man up and deal with it alone when I did speak, even if it was only a little bit it helped me to release some of the pent up negative energy I was feeling. Going to my GP was the first step to me opening up. Sometimes a stranger is better than someone you know because they can listen and not feel every emotion that maybe a friend or parent would.
  • A hobby: I found my hobby through writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Everything I was thinking and feeling I wrote down. My drafts page on my wordpress account is nearly full up haha. But it worked for me and I fell in love with writing on my blog and have continued it now I am much happier.
  • Knowing that the storm will pass: I read quotes and kept in the back of my mind that everything is going to get better one day even when I couldn’t see it because my mind was completley unfocused. I felt the pain of feeling depressed and even when I wanted to give up and go I didn’t. Avoiding alcohol or substance abuse if that is how you see fit as a way to cope genuinley is a contributing factor to your mental health.

Now, I will never claim to be an expert because I most certainly am not. Im not a physcologist or someone whose job is to analyse or to try find the best way to help. I am a real person who has experienced a feeling of immense sadness and those dark thoughts that many cannot explain so I can sympathise with those who may be struggling.

Lets mind our minds together

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The Breakup – Him

I thought I would miss him I really did. I thought it would be painful to crave his presence and the scent of his cologne. I thought I would worry about whether he is safe and eating properly, or not going out on the weekends and being tempted by drink and drugs. I really thought I would miss his presence and singing in the car with him…or the way he would get me a glass of water with extra ice cubes, because he knew I liked it cold…I really thought I would miss him.

But I didn’t and I still don’t. Because I remember the damage he did to me…

The mental cuts he placed upon my brain, from making me feel worthless, I remember them,

The worry and the pain he inflicted upon me as he went out and did whatever he wanted, I remember that,

The messages he would exchange between other women, making me doubt myself entirely, I remember them,

The day, he would kiss me tell me he loved me, go out, and not return home until the next day…I remember that,

The Monday morning after a heavy night when he would need to dip into my bank balance, I remember that,

The evening he cheated on me, came back and let me buy him dinner whilst he lied to my face, he was never going to tell me…I remember that,

The times he would make me feel like everything was my fault, oh those times that brought me to introvercy, I remember those,

The times he would tell me if I ever left him he would kill himself, I remember those…

I remember walking into that stella scented room on a sunday morning, not knowing what state I was going to find him in… he usually would be wearing a jumper, drenched in sweat from where his body was rejecting the substances he had been putting into it. His eyes would be swollen and his breath would smell of alcohol…there would be beer cans scattered across the room, which he had been using as a toilet because he was to paranoid to walk upstairs and use his own. His bones would stick out of his body as he would ask me to hold him to make him feel better…The routine was to cool his body down, get his jumper off, clear up the beer cans, get him a glass of water and sit with him until he was done with consuming the rest of the white substance he had left and wait for him to sober up. I learnt that he didn’t like being left on his own.

You see, I loved him so much. Every bone in his body I loved and I didn’t know why. That love I had for him began to deteriorate as his personality did. I became broken mentally as my whole life became consumed with this man that I could barely call a boyfriend. I tried to leave a lot but was mentally fatigued, I feared what he would do if I actually continued with the break up and moved on. I feel awful for breaking up with him so many times because no person should deal with that from there significant other, but he knew he could manipulate me back into his arms…he knew he possessed that power over me… he mentally abused me and he knew he did, and it is sad that he never apologised…apologised for snapping me in two and lying about anything and everything that he did not need to lie about to me.

I am devastated at the way it ended, I wanted to be civil and to end it with any love and respect we had left for each other. However, we didn’t. He pushed and pushed to make something work that just couldn’t until I couldn’t take it anymore, until I was so broken from everything that happened, everything that I had seen, every lie he had told me, all the money I had spent trying to help him and all the time and love I gave him… that I ended it with spite and hatred.

Now the break up is said and done I realise that I don’t miss him…I dont crave him or love him. I rarely think about him. Unless someone speaks to me about him or sends me a photo of him making an appearance on a night out. He is a stranger now…known as the man that broke me to the point of contemplating my own suicide…known as the man that was to selfish to realise that his lies and behaviour impacted the one he made his girlfriend to the distruction of her own mental health and physical health.

I hold no more feelings towards him. But I wish him to be healthy and happy. I wish that he finds someone he falls so deeply in love with that he doesn’t do to her what he did to me. I hope he never takes that powerful white substance again, the one that coloured his eyes and his heart black.

Break ups are horrible. They hurt and they wound you. I would say there is somewhat an aspect of PTSD involved with breaking up with someone. Everyone goes through a breakup at least once in there life…I get that some are harder than others. If you are going through a break up, please don’t feel alone. Talk to your family or me!…

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p.s – I understand this blog contains sensitive information. I like to post content from all different aspects of my life – the good and the bad.

If you are in a mentally or physically abusive relationship please contact: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

or: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/

Never forget to talk

Afternoon all,

I wanted to write this post in aid of mental health awareness day, as mental health is a topic I feel is important to talk about.

Through my job as a barista I’ve met and spoken to some incredible people and continue to do so. A couple of years ago I was told a story that has always stayed with me as I serve coffee on train station platforms.

A member of station staff approached the coffee shop one day and bought a cup of tea due to a delay on the railway line. This was because someone had decided to take there own life. He began to explain how this effects everyone around the victim. The family, the friends, the train driver suffering with PTSD and the witnesses…it reminded me of a droplet of water falling into a pool of water and the ripples which increase from the impact.

If that person or anyone for that matter had spoken to someone that day, I believe it would’ve helped. Talking makes you feel less alone, venting can help to heal. So many people feel they can’t talk about something thats on there mind. Maybe because there embarrassed or society has told them they need to bury there feelings but that is not the case. My inbox is always open for everyone, whenever or wherever Im here. Don’t feel alone, please.

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My University planned a dog walk in aid of mental health awareness day. When thinking about it dogs are happy little beings so I thought it was a fantastic idea. Next year or even this year as their never needs to be a nominated day to talk about mental health I want to put together an even bigger dog walk, with more people, more dogs and more charities involved.