Lost In London

Ever gotten lost? felt that panic inside you as you have absolutely no idea where you are or how to get back. Well me too. I mean I get lost around my hometown way to often to put down on a page, but I can easily navigate my way out of that kinda lost, with my trusty sat nav…I love you iPhone.

I remember oh so clearly the time I got really lost. I did not have a bloody clue. I had been journeying up to London for a couple of weeks to see a friend. I knew the way I usually went. Start at Tunbridge wells railway station, change at Orpington, then again at Hither Green, then bam you’ve found the Dartford line hop on that and your their, no problem at all. However, this time all had changed for me…

I began my usual routine. Coffee at Tunbridge wells, Platform 1 for trains to the city. Not a problem. Had my ticket bought at the ready, had the good tunes playing on my Spotify, not a care in the world, happy days for me. I got to Orpington, like I had been doing for the past couple of weeks, however on arrival there everything had changed.

“Get to Grove Park for bus replacements to Hither Green”

“Change from platform 3 to 6 for Grove Park”

“Buses replace trains at the following stations”

Oh shit. Feeling a little panicked to begin with I followed the instructions the southeastern man was bellowing to passengers. Hopping on the train to Grove Park I thought to myself, Ive got this… I am a strong, independent woman. Disregarding the fact that I was seventeen years old and thought Grove Park was a play park not a place. On arrival at grove park I strode off thinking this would be an easy task. Well just to let you all know it went tits up from here.

This promised bus replacement was non existent. G R E A T. I ended up on a public London bus that went here there and everywhere. A woman, bless her, had told me that the bus went to Hither Green so with familarity in mind I trusted her and got on. Well one hour later I see a sign for Catford… Catford?!?! WHERE is that. Realising I was in fact near Lewisham I asked everyone on the bus if I was going to Hither Green or the Netherlands.

“Yes you are”

About 40 minutes later quite frankly feeling sick and wanting to go home I got off the bus. I walked for 20 minutes trying to find Hither Green station. By the time I arrived I was in tears. Anxiety bubbling In my body I got to the platform. No trains. In despair I sat on the platform crying.

Shortly after, I met Brian…omg Brian was the kindest most helpful worker I think SouthEastern has ever employed. He calmed me down and stood outside of Hither Green with me until I was sat on that replacement bus waving good bye to him. I would’ve probably sat on the platform until the trains were running again.

As for my friend… well were not friends anymore…

Now. If your ever planning a journey like mine…always remember to check trainline! haha.

Intent for Content x

 

 

Never forget to talk

Afternoon all,

I wanted to write this post in aid of mental health awareness day, as mental health is a topic I feel is important to talk about.

Through my job as a barista I’ve met and spoken to some incredible people and continue to do so. A couple of years ago I was told a story that has always stayed with me as I serve coffee on train station platforms.

A member of station staff approached the coffee shop one day and bought a cup of tea due to a delay on the railway line. This was because someone had decided to take there own life. He began to explain how this effects everyone around the victim. The family, the friends, the train driver suffering with PTSD and the witnesses…it reminded me of a droplet of water falling into a pool of water and the ripples which increase from the impact.

If that person or anyone for that matter had spoken to someone that day, I believe it would’ve helped. Talking makes you feel less alone, venting can help to heal. So many people feel they can’t talk about something thats on there mind. Maybe because there embarrassed or society has told them they need to bury there feelings but that is not the case. My inbox is always open for everyone, whenever or wherever Im here. Don’t feel alone, please.

Intent for content

x

My University planned a dog walk in aid of mental health awareness day. When thinking about it dogs are happy little beings so I thought it was a fantastic idea. Next year or even this year as their never needs to be a nominated day to talk about mental health I want to put together an even bigger dog walk, with more people, more dogs and more charities involved.

Holiday Hoopla

Whilst I sat on the rocks at sunrise it came to me that this was the only place I’ve been this holiday without an STD.

Now let’s rewind.

After 3 hours of chewing in my ear and no leg room, I arrived in Malia. I had the upmost optimism that I was going to spend the week nurturing a golden glow and forgetting about the diet, with an enormous bag of lays potato chips (they aren’t the same as walkers okay). Little did I know I was about to play holiday hoopla.

Obstacle one. Rejection. I didn’t realise how naive I could be until I was at brits bar. This was the hotspot for getting absolutely obliterated for as little as 10 euros. You would go to the bar men, pay your 10 euros then get unlimited drinks for one hour… what could go wrong? For the second night in a row I wound up in brits bar drinking and dancing with my friends. My friends were off on the pull, eyeing up anything or anyone that would give them the attention they needed for the night. This left me alone, which I was ok with as I was half sober and knew what I was doing. I decided to go and sit in the seating area of the bar. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I was approached by a man who had claimed to of been “watching me all night”. He sat down next to me, swirling his vodka red bull around in the glass as he spoke. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his hotel with him, expressing that he knew I wanted to. Little did he know, I was on a completely separate page to him. I continued to decline politely, not wanting to embarrass him. He then lunged at me…I pushed him off and with more aggression this time explained that “I said no, so meant no”. A few turned there heads and eyes glanced to see what the drama was. He didn’t like this. Suddenly, I felt a huge thump in my side… the pain channelled across my rib cage and into my stomach. Confused and hurting I turned to see what had just happened. Did he really just kick me? Yes… yes he did. He murmured “don’t ever reject me” got up and walked away. In complete disbelief as to what had just happened, I decided to call It a night.

I was one game down into a long 72 hours. Obstacle two was commencing in 1 hour… I just didn’t know it yet. I decided to pick myself up from the incident last night and being made to sleep on the balcony whilst my friends decided to have a group session of sexual relations with strangers and carry on the day. I put my makeup on, scraped my crazy curls into a bun and slipped into my ditsy lace white dress, deciding to forget about the events of the last 24 hours and start again.

Game two commenced. I was having a somewhat good time at the beach party, I liked the music and the fruity drink I was sipping on out of a beach bucket… so not all was bad! My friends were actually with me too, we were all dancing, singing by the stage and taking selfies in the flashing lights, not caring about the other people around us. My friends didn’t look like they were looking to take people back with them either, the beach party was definitely going to make up for last nights disaster. However, it then turned pear shaped very quickly. I was filming the stage and the music for as little as one minute…turned around to find all my friends had completely disappeared. Feeling panicked I started to look for them. No sign. No sign by the toilets, no sign by the entrance, the exit, the bar, the stage…they were no where. omg. My heartbeat quickened at the thought of being alone. I left the party in search of them and began to roam the greek streets. Alone. The streets were busy, packed with men on mopeds who slowed down to look at me in my white dress, menacing grins spread across there faces because they knew I was alone and not from here. Fear resided in my body, it felt like nasty butterflies fighting in my stomach and throat as I carried on walking looking for my friends. Still no sign. After an hour of searching, panic quickening in my body by the second, the last straw was a greek man who grabbed me and ran his fingers across my waist, tapping on me like fingers on a keyboard. I ran. Ran back to the crumby hotel room with no air condition, tears streaming down my face because I hadn’t found my friends who could be anywhere and out of sheer fright. I got back to the hotel room and wanted my mum. It was like I was five years old again and having a nightmare where I screamed for mum to come into my bedroom and comfort me. Within a minute I had her on the other end of the phone, sobbing my heart out and explaining what had happened and that I wanted to come home. Within five minutes I was booked on the next flight home and my travel had been arranged. It was as if mum was involved in a life or death situation the way she managed to get me home and calm me down so quickly. I had lost the game of holiday hoopla…

At sunrise, I awoke. I saw my friends and some unfamiliar faces curled up in the single beds next to me. Well they’d made it back somehow, completely disregarding my existence. Picking up a T-shirt, shorts and flip-flops, I headed towards the beach.

Alone, I sat on the rock reeling from the events of the last 48 hours. It was the most at peace I had been, my heartbeat returning to a normal beat. The sun was rising the warm glow spreading across the sapphire ocean and creeping up the beach, reflecting off of the stack of clean glasses on the side of the beach bar.  The Waves splashed calmly against the rock I was using as a chair, tickling my toes. It was so beautiful. Everyone back at the hotel was missing this for what? sex and booze.

Smiling I thought to myself… this rock is the only place without an STD.

Relationships

Relationships are never a straight forward thing. There is so much detail that comes with inviting another person into your life and letting them get to know every part of you…I think of it like the melting of an ice-cube. When you are alone you are this perfect, crystal clear ice cube. However, when you let another person into your life the ice cube starts to melt. Slowly, it heats up, you can see the condensation and the formation of a puddle of water as it starts to subside –  until you’ve got nothing left to be melted. So what once was this ice-cold dimensional sculpture lies there… now a puddle of warm water.

So much happens before the puddle of water is created. Dating, eating, drinking, laughing, crying, singing, shouting, confusion, mind games, missed calls, read messages, photos, journeys, long walks, second thoughts, games and misunderstanding. I could write lists and lists about what every individual goes through before they melt… but every ice-cube is different.

These things take time, everything takes time… if you want to be with someone you need to get to know every fine detail about them… I realised that last night after walking to the train station alone in the pouring rain. Maybe I need to be an ice-cube for a little while longer..

 

Welcome x

Hiya,

A huge warm welcome to my page. This could end up becoming quite a lot of things, but whatever or wherever this goes, You will never be short of a story…

Im intent for content and this is my blog… come along and start this journey with me!

Thank you for reading

Intent For Content x