Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

My Bestfriend

relationships

She is strong,

She is beautiful,

She is powerful,

She is the kindest,

She is honest,

She is my bestfriend…

She knows when i’m sad and when i’m happy. She can detect how i’m feeling from a single message or a look. Thats what I love about her,

I admire her strength because oh has she faced things that some would cave to,

I admire her beauty because she has it inside and out, those close to her feel safe and respected, she lights up a room with her smile and confidence,

I admire her power, her opinion matters to me, she has the ability to set me straight and help me see things from anothers perspective,

I admire her kindness, anyone that knows her knows that she would do anything for anyone, she gives and gives, and will always make you feel included and wanted,

I admire her honesty, I find it rare in others honesty…but my best friend will tell you when you’re right or wrong, whether that suits you or it doesn’t, she is the realest,

I am proud of her. Proud that we have shared a friendship for the best part of 10 years. We may argue and disagree (sometimes more often than others) but we get through it and adapt to eachother growing up. We are individuals at different levels, but to eachother we are equals.

That is my best friend.

Intent For Content

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Weightloss

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Have you ever felt pressured to lose weight? Ever been on a massive 7 day binge, eating anything and everything that falls on your pathway…or maybe felt like you need to lose 5 pounds before you agree to a date with that girl or guy? Whatever it is I understand. I have been there and still go back there. Sometimes the easier option is to swing into mcdonalds or eat copious amounts of french stick with butter…yum!

Now, a bit about me and how my journey became my journey!…

I have always struggled with my size from a young age, I never really knew when to say no to food or what was good for me and what wasn’t. However, I was active and did things such as bike riding, horse riding, swimming and always got dragged on bloody 10 mile dog walks with my mum…much to a younger girls delight!

My severe weight gain came when I was diagnosed with glandular fever. I had it very badly and couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed some days because my body felt so weak that it was a challenging task. The tonsilitis was probably the worst part…as well as catching any germ that surfaced itself, as it would completely wipe my body out to unbearable extents. This is where the weight began to pile on badly. Where I wasn’t exercising and was constantly cooped up in doors…like a chicken in its hutch at night time, I filled a void with food. I didn’t have many friends during my time with glandular fever as they were all at school socialising, so I felt very much alone… which was also a contributing factor to gaining weight, as cheesy pasta became my best friend. The photo to the left of this paragraphs shows me at a whopping 17 stone which converted is 107 kg and 238 pounds. I was only 15 years old. This was an extremely bad weight to be at, especially at such a young age.

When it was time for me to ease back into school as my glandular fever was becoming weaker and my immune system was becoming stronger, I clung to food. It was my soul comfort when dealing with the anxieties of seeing everyone in my classes and wondering what everyone was thinking about when they saw I had grown a double chin and had a metaphorical tyre hanging off my stomach. I ate and ate and ate…junk food, pots of nutella, kinder bueno bars, crisps, burgers…everything. The worst part was I couldn’t stop and was using the now residing glandular fever as an excuse.

However, one day it clicked for me. I remember that day clearly at school. I could see my cellulite covered legs moving as I walked, showing clearly through my opaque school tights. I felt aware of the fat roll on my stomach as I sat down on my chair in citizenship studies…I grabbed my scarf and tried to hide my tummy with it…like that was going to make me 4 stone lighter. When I got home from school that day and walked up my stairs, I got out of breath, the feeling of breathlessness after walking up 12 steps was the tip of the iceburg for me. I knew then and there that I could not under any circumstances live my life like this. From that day then it all changed…

I put myself in an immediate calorie defecit. I went from consuming roughly 10,000 calories in fat and sugar to consuming 1500 calories in protein. I signed up for a gym membership and got myself down the gym 5 times a week after my school day had finished. I aimed to burn 300-500 calories a day whether that was on the cross trainer, bike or rowing machine. That was my goal. I achieved that goal and since then I haven’t gone back to my past.

Don’t get me wrong I do fall off the healthy band wagon, but that’s because i’m human and I am allowed to have good days and bad days. But my behaviour changes when I don’t eat properly or drink enough water or exercise. I feel lethargic and down and get bad headaches from consuming the junk food. So when I fall off, I always remember to get back on….

I hope you enjoyed reading

Intent For Content

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Bubble

A Personal Perspective, Descriptive Pieces

A Spherical, transparent bubble, with just a hint of colour residing at the bottom. It floats steadily in the air, only bursting when something interferes with the calmness in the air.

It’s almost like humans. We’re all in our own bubble, we all have our own preferences. We burst if something or someone interferes with our energy. We are all different bubbles, everyone is unique. We attach to one another and float together…sometimes we detach to another bubble to find another one. Wether thats family, friends, relationships…we all detach and reattach at some point. 

I like to think of it like that. When I feel lonely or have lost someone or something I look at myself as a bubble. It helps put things into perspective. Wether thats feeling lonely, or missing someone, or being completely happy. I’m a bubble, detaching and reattaching all the time…floating. Calmly.

Intent For Content 

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Hiya all! hope your all well and thank you for following me… I am now on Twitter and Instagram, would love to follow you and engage more 🙂 Have a lovely week. 

Twitter @intent4content

Instagram @intentforcontent 

Letter to my father

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Dear Dad,

You no longer get to call yourself that. I waited for you. We waited for you.

You weren’t there. For anything or anyone. You missed us growing up, missed us blossoming into the people we are today. Every birthday, Christmas, Easter, or Summer holiday. No show. Every doctors appointment, every haircut, every school play or parents evening…you weren’t there. You weren’t there for the tears, the laughter, the anger, the confusion as we grew up. Where were you?

What were you doing when you didn’t call? Didn’t send a birthday card or a Christmas present. Why, when you did eventually call, why did you lie to us?

“Your card is in the post”

“Ill see you very soon”

“I love you”

I remember the flip in my stomach after being let down by you once again. I don’t know why I would get my hopes up. Every. Single. Time.

You weren’t there that day when I came home from cleaning the horses out. Weren’t there to see my face when my brothers had amazing, expensive gifts in there hands and I had nothing. I didn’t care about the money or the value. I cared that you didn’t care.

It wasn’t just me you did this too…we all got our turn.

You promised your youngest a birthday present. Did you know he waited every single day for it from the day you called? No you didn’t. I remember him getting in from school and asking “did it come yet” or thinking that we maybe missed the delivery. You didn’t see his face when he realised it wasn’t coming. His chatter was silenced that day. Silenced because of you. You let him down.

What about your eldest? You missed his eighteenth birthday. How could you miss that? why would you miss it? what was more important?

I used to care. Used to think that you would come around one day but you won’t, and you won’t ever. You have missed your chance. I feel no sorrow….why? because our mothers incredible.

She has always and will always be there. She is the lightbulb in a darkened room. She picked up the pieces you left…no matter how much time or money it took. She worked long hours, providing for us three without your help. She has been there for every Christmas, birthday, summer holiday, doctors appointment, hair cut, school play and parents evening. She has laughed and cried and been confused and angry with us… she has felt every pressure and worry alone. Yet has never left us alone. How could you leave one woman with the weight of three worlds on her shoulders? The answer doesn’t matter though…because she did it without you. Without anyone.

She is the father I never had.

I am no longer bitter, no longer sad. Its not our loss…it is yours. Maybe one day when your all alone. You’ll see that.

Goodbye “Dad”

Intent For Content

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