As I sat, locked in his car I thought to myself…how did I let myself get to this place…
Manipulation is a powerful technique, it’s also very dangerous. When you’re being manipulated you yourself cannot see it, however, others can.
A couple of years ago I began a relationship…if you can even call it that, with a boy I met off of the internet. Yes boy. Not man. The beginning was ok, I was happy, I loved the long phone calls that carried on through the night completely messing up my sleep pattern and the weekends I would spend with him in the sun. It was fun. I was excited.
Very shortly after, I mean about a month or two… it all changed. Labels went on and off. Am I his girlfriend? Am I not? what is this? does he want someone else? or maybe more than one?
Insults cut deep, confusion felt like daggers of anxiety all attacking one place in my chest, losing sleep wasn’t for fun anymore, eating was non existent. I was losing who I was and I couldn’t even see it…my family would shout saying Ive changed, I’m not my mothers daughter or my brothers sister anymore. That I was sacrificing my family and friends to be with him. At the time I would scream back that I was still me, defending him and my personality at any cost…I couldn’t even see the jaundice in my eyes and the bone sticking out of my rib. Yet I still wanted him. Why? because I was being manipulated.
I had my chance to break free from it all. I did a whole month free of manipulation…I began to feel like me again. My brothers started to look me in the eyes…mum started chatting again, I reunited with my best friend who no longer wanted to talk to me because of him. But then one day I went back. One phone call was all it took to drag me back in and from that moment on it was completely different. I had no voice, no way out.
“Im doing this because I love you”
“Were going to get married”
“You’re everything to me”
Every time he placed a finger on me and grabbed me, I thought it was because he loved me. Every time he sped his car up, laughing menacingly as he saw the fright in my eyes, I thought it was because he loved me. Even when he crashed the car and wouldn’t take me to hospital for whiplash…I thought it was because he loved me. Insults were cutting deeper, my skin was paler, my eyes…oh my once happy gleaming eyes, untouched and unharmed were gone. Replaced with yellow whites and dark circles. I still didn’t think to talk. I Still thought this was normal. Thought it was just a rough patch. Until one day I was taken somewhere…
He told me he would be back in one hour. Told me he was going to get me dinner and drop some money off to a friends. I believed him. I heard the car door lock and thought nothing of it, I kinda liked it because I felt safe. But Hours had passed and still no show. My already anxious heart began to beat faster. It was well into the night when I decided to man up and try get out. Kicking the windows and doors with everything I had left in my body I pushed and pushed and pushed…until I realised my piercing scream wasn’t going to be heard by anybody. I was trapped.
Days went by before he came back. By that time I knew what I needed to do.
I spent the night with him in fear. I bode my time. Waited until he was asleep. Grabbed my phone from under his head and ran. I fled his house, heart thumping out of my chest. I ran and ran until I reached the train station. Jumping on the nearest one to me. I was free…
Manipulation is a powerful technique, it’s also very dangerous. When you’re being manipulated you yourself cannot see it, however, others can….
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