One Way Out – Creative Writing University

Creative Writing Stories

Mascara, lipstick, lip gloss. Black dress, shining shoes, painted toes. Hair curled, hair tie out, no tacky hair clips or polka dot bows to be placed in her hair. That is what he asked of her, that is how he wanted Rosie to be presented…he was very particular… he wanted class and sophistication with a hint of danger. He knew he was in control and that she would do what he wanted. He held the key to manipulation… Money.

The cab that had been ordered for her pulled up outside Rosie’s home. Her legs felt as if they had been dismembered as she crept down her staircase, making sure she didn’t wake any of her house mates up. They couldn’t know where she was going or who she was going to be with. Looking in the mirror one last time and finishing the pure spirit that she had been drinking out of her mug in one, she made her way out of the door.

“Where you off to tonight then love?” The friendly cab driver asked her. 

“Oh, no where special, just out for a few drinks with a friend.” Rosie responded meekly, more concentrated on the now painful feeling of butterflies subsiding in her stomach. 

“Coor dressed like that! You look amazing!” he responded. 

“Aha thank you”, said Rosie.

The journey to the restaurant in central London felt like it took no time at all. Rosie wished it had lasted longer. She was panicked at the unknown world she was about to enter. But she needed cash and she needed it quickly. Her rent was due as well as the never-ending course fees, study books and her need to eat. 

Stepping out of the cab she thanked the driver politely and paced her way into the entrance of the restaurant. She saw him immediately … apparent as day light. He was sat up straight, pinstripe suit tailored to fit with a crimson tie, matching the glass of red wine that was placed on the table where his hands were resting, waiting for her. He – who went by the name “rockyedge72” on the seeking arrangement dating app – looked directly at Rosie. A smile appeared and a menacing mischievous look in his eye. He knew how the dinner was going to turn out. 

Rosie strode over, heart in her throat and pain in her chest. The only thing helping her cope with the thriving feeling of angst was the money, eight hundred pounds. This was going to help her…

“Listen to my instructions, walk upstairs and get in the shower. I will follow you.” 

It all happened so quickly after her granting ‘rocky edges’ wishes and moving the dinner upstairs to the hotel. The deed was done and the cash was in her hand. She wasn’t in debt any more, she could pay her rent and buy her food. But the sinking feeling in her gut felt like she had made the wrong decision. She felt as if she had degraded herself, ruined the happiness that intimacy was meant to bring to the parties involved. Maybe it was the twenty- five -year age gap, or the fact he was married and this was his filthy fantasy? Oh no! No. It was the exchange of sex for money… 

She threw up in the cab that had come to collect her and burst into tears…

“Why did I do that?”

Full Face

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I logged onto WordPress, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter this morning and every other morning this week has been filled with Covid-19 information, jokes, memes and so much more – which is of course extremely important but I thought I would sway away from this and show you all a full face of makeup.

I am in no way shape or form a qualified makeup artist but after a recent Instagram upload (I’ll pop it below) girls have asked me what makeup I use to paint my face so I’ll list the products and links to purchase below for you all.

Okay so the photo next to me is the face I recieved so many lovely comments on!

Eyebrows

I have always had small eyebrows, I think it’s a genetic issue lol- ( because I never plucked or shaved them when I was younger – sooooo that means I have had to learn the art of drawing eyebrows on properly, and focus on what is socially acceptable (it’s hard!) The products I use to make this easier are:

~ The Anastasia Beverly hills dip brow pomade, Shade: Taupe ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/l/?q=anastasia%20beverly%20hills%20dip%20brow

~ The Zoeva 317 wing liner brush ~ This is a GAME CHANGER the angle is perfect for filling in brows or drawing them on and it’s under a tenner! ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/zoeva/317-wing-liner-brush/

Eyeshadow

I laaaaaaav eyeshadow and have so many palettes, at the moment I am however only using the Anastasia Beverly hills palette but there are so many dupes because I know some of them are a bit pricey for people (let me know if you want me to do a dupe post) – I have been mix and matching the colours in both of the below palettes because the pinks in the modern renaissance are go-rg-eo-us

~ Modern Renaissance eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/modern-renaissance-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Soft Glam eyeshadow palette ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/anastasia-beverly-hills/soft-glam-eyeshadow-palette/

~ Stila stay all day waterproof liquid eye liner, Colour: Intense Black ~ Link: https://www.beautybay.com/p/stila/stay-all-day-waterproof-liquid-eye-liner/intense-black/

Face

The products I use such as foundations and concealers are higher end products because drugstore products never went well with my skin and spending an extra bit of money works wonders in terms of colour matching, effectiveness of the product and the weight of the product on your skin!

~NARS Sheerglow glow foundation, shade: Barcelona~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-sheer-glow-foundation.html

~ NARS Radiant creamy concealer, Shade: Creme Brulee ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/nars-radiant-creamy-concealer.html?variant_id=17358

~ Benefit Hoola bronzer, Shade: You can either get the popular shade which I cannot find the name of or Benefit have released a caramel bronzer which looks gorg! ~Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/benefit-hoola.html

Lips

~ MAC cosmetics Lip pencil, Shade: Spice ~ Link: https://www.maccosmetics.co.uk/product/13852/340/products/makeup/lips/lip-pencil/lip-pencil

~Charlotte Tilbury Matte revolution lipstick, Shade: Pillowtalk ~ Link: https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/charlotte-tilbury-matte-revolution.html?variant_id=11180

So, those are all the products I used to create a full face of makeup they all work effectively with my face and give it a clean look (no cakey or sweaty makeup) If anyone wants to know more or wants a video of the application for the facial zones – let me know in the comments or on my social media!

Stay safe during this difficult time for the entire world

All my love,

Intent for Content

xox

We’re not just students

A Personal Perspective, Uncategorised

University.

It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.

  1. Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
  2. Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
  3. Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
  4. Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!

I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…

We’re not just students.

Intent for content

x

p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx

What writing means to me

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We all have our little hobbies or our ways to release life sometimes, because life is hard yet amazing all at the same time. Writing is my release.

Sometimes I forget that this little blog I started writing on over a year ago has genuine viewers, anyone in the world can find my link, log on and read when I am in pain, when I am happy, heartbroken or content…I forget how many people have seen me in the purest light possible.

But I love it. It feels like a therapy session in a way, or just a way to show people a place I have been to or someone I have met that has made an impact on my life. Writing brings me closure and allows me to refocus, it allows me to speak and develop, it has helped me to grow in some situations I thought I would never learn from.

Writing is a way for me to create my own little world, solely dependant on me, my brain and my words…

My life has been crazy this year, it has had so many changes, people have come and gone but the one constant that has always remained is my writing.

Intent for content

x

Mind Our Minds

Mental Health Matters

Did you know approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK have been suffering from a mental health problem each year? Mental health problems can be anything from anxiety to schizophrenia and all are equally as difficult for the person suffering. I have been reading so many articles recently on male suicide rates rising as they feel as if they can’t talk to anyone if they are struggling. Just because a man is a man doesn’t mean that he should feel like it affects his masculinity if he is struggling mentally, because it doesn’t.

“The rate of suicides in Britain has risen sharply to its highest level since 2002, with men accounting for three-quarters of the number of people who took their own lives last year, official figures show.” – The guardian.

I have in particularly paid attention to the amount of young people suffering with mental health or coming to the irreversible conclusion to end there own life. It is saddening in so many ways and I wanted to bring light to it on my blog and on my social medias because I feel it is important to keep stimulating the conversation of mental health to normalise it and to help people.

I went through a period of severe sadness, I was prescribed sleeping tablets at night time because my thoughts became profound, I stopped talking to my mum and my brothers and my friends, I lashed out angrily for absolutley no reason, I was tired and unsociable, and most would’ve called me rude. Through this dark period I found a release through my writing…

I would say I was depressed for a few months, however, I pulled myself out of the dark place that barely anybody knew I was in. I knew that the storm was going to pass and that I could induce happiness through things such as eating right and exercising. It was difficult though I will never lie, even when doing the right things physically to help I did still struggle. Articles and social media recommends to talk to someone or ring a helpline but when you are in that moment mentally most people wouldn’t be able to do that at the click of there fingers. Talking does help, I realise that now I have spoken about my struggle to those that know me.

5 things I tried, in order to Mind My Mind:

  • Eating right: I cut out the bad food binges that I was subjecting my body too because it wasn’t providing my brain with anything remotely nutritious in order to stand a chance.
  • Exercise: This was a very valuable thing that helped me. Even though I was mentally tired I knew that the gym, a long walk or lifting weights releases the correct hormones (endorphins) which contribute to a less cloudy mood.
  • Talking: Although difficult, people needed to know how I was feeling and although I didnt tell them immediatley and tried to man up and deal with it alone when I did speak, even if it was only a little bit it helped me to release some of the pent up negative energy I was feeling. Going to my GP was the first step to me opening up. Sometimes a stranger is better than someone you know because they can listen and not feel every emotion that maybe a friend or parent would.
  • A hobby: I found my hobby through writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Everything I was thinking and feeling I wrote down. My drafts page on my wordpress account is nearly full up haha. But it worked for me and I fell in love with writing on my blog and have continued it now I am much happier.
  • Knowing that the storm will pass: I read quotes and kept in the back of my mind that everything is going to get better one day even when I couldn’t see it because my mind was completley unfocused. I felt the pain of feeling depressed and even when I wanted to give up and go I didn’t. Avoiding alcohol or substance abuse if that is how you see fit as a way to cope genuinley is a contributing factor to your mental health.

Now, I will never claim to be an expert because I most certainly am not. Im not a physcologist or someone whose job is to analyse or to try find the best way to help. I am a real person who has experienced a feeling of immense sadness and those dark thoughts that many cannot explain so I can sympathise with those who may be struggling.

Lets mind our minds together

Intent For Content

x

Another World

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I have had two readings from a physcic now. I found both to be very different yet very interesting. The experience is a shocking yet calming one. I felt at peace and somewhat connected to this other world which was being provided through this woman. My first physcic reading I went to at a time when their was a lot going on in my world, confusion and pain but also happiness…

I walked into Odettes front room and immediatley she stated that two relatives were in the room. My grandfathers.

“We’ve been watching you”

“Your room is diabological”

“You keep lying”

“Your head is in the clouds, face reality and get your shit together”

Those are some of the things that were communicated to me through Odette. To be quite frank they were spot on.

I was lying to people to cover for somebody…who thank god isn’t in my life anymore.

My room was diabological…which for the record is now emacculate because I moved back home to where I belong.

My head was in the clouds because I wasn’t listening to anybody, I thought that I was always right and I could make a decision about my life when I wanted to…I needed to listen, I needed to focus and grasp what people were trying to explain to me kindly.

I was mesmorised for the hour that I was in this lovely womans presence. It was such a different experience and Odette exerted such a normal personality until these spirits (if you can call them that im not to sure!) came to the surface. She was straight up and you could see that she wouldn’t be interuppted. The way I would describe it would be as if her head and ears hadn’t connected together to listen and understand what her mouth was saying…it was interesting to witness!

Now, I know their is speculation when discussing this other world and many different opinions. Some believe in it and base serious decisions off of these mediums whereas others think it is a load of crap. I think both sides have valid points because how can we prove it through these people, is their evidence that we can see with our own eyes instead of listen with our own ears? But how do these people know parts of us that we haven’t spoken about…how can they make such vast comments about things that haven’t happened yet…

What do you think?

Is this another world?

Intent For Content

x

Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

Love

Descriptive Pieces, relationships

Love is the most visible form of purity and happiness. Love shows the human kind as gentle and caring. Love breaks down our walls and opens our hearts. It makes us feel secure, warm and content. It is perfect, yet totally imperfect at the same time. A feeling that can surge our through our blood and create a beautiful form of euphoria…Love is a feeling that everybody craves and everybody imagines. Because when you have love you have wholeness.

Love is powerful. It can warm you up yet cool you down at the same time. Love can enter your head and your heart in such peculiar ways. It can motivate you, inspire you or crowd you and control you. Although pure…love can be dangerous.

Where and what we find love in is dangerous. Everyone wants to chase a feeling of euphoria. Whether we can induce it through somebody or something, we as humans love to feel happy and wanted and safe.

Love can change people, love most certainly is blind, love can hurt, love can control and belittle…

But love is great. Love is a treasure in a world full of dishonour. Love is a prize after we compete. Love is whole and strong…and pure.

Find love in everything not just people. Find love in the world, your family, your animals, your food, your friends, your life. Love surrounds us for it is the most visible form of purity and happiness.

I love love.

Intent For Content

x

Inked

A Personal Perspective

I walked down the steep stair case into the little room…

I saw the black, leather chair I was about to lie on for the hour. Everything was clean and sterile, like a weird hospital room in a movie, but with a kinder feeling to it. There were pretty pictures and drawings entwining with eachother perfectly, flowing around the room until they joined back to the beginning.

My first tattoo was of course a stereotypical quote, haha. I loved the quote and know I always will, the italics made an elegant touch on my thigh. The pain wasn’t too bad just an uncomfortable feeling.

My second tattoo is my favourite. I always wanted an ankle bracelet type tattoo. This one was mega painful I wont lie to you…take something to squeeze and someone to talk to if you decide to get your ankle tattooed.

People have there different opinions when it comes to inking your body because of course it is a permanent choice (unless you get lazer removal, the joys of modern technology!) .

Personally I love the thought of tattooing your body because it is somewhat a memory of a time in your life, like a past time. Some tattoos have a deeper meaning such as names of people and quotes which link to peoples real lives. I love the self expression that comes with inking, it is your choice and your decision. When you put it into perspective tattooists are so talented.

Beauty

A Personal Perspective

How do you describe something that is beautiful? What would you say beauty is?

Is it a smile a heartbeat, laughter, food, alcohol, objects or animals…or is it everything?

Googles definition of beauty is “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”

I have been pondering the definition of beauty for a while now. Especially others opinions and descriptions of it. There is so much stigma around the persona of beauty, which is enhanced by social media. It makes me wonder about the younger generation and what they are growing up amongst. As an almost nineteen year old I have seen what the word beauty can do and trying to live up to someone else’s vision of beauty…no wonder the percentage of cosmetic procedures have gone up these past couple years with breast augumentation surgey rising upwards by 12%. Sometimes I think it is sad that people want to change what they were blessed with.

I spose when I am asked what beauty is I would of suggested another woman because of what I have processed from the use of social media. However, I now believe beauty can be seen in everything and everyone. If I could people at age sixteen to eighteen I would tell them to love themself and everything…

Intent For Content

x

I want to be more interactive on social media and post more about self confidence…

Instagram: @intentforcontent

Twitter: @intent4content