Solitude – Creative Writing Stories University

Creative Writing Stories

My solitude had grown wary but today, yes today was the day where I would change that, finally. Today is the day where I tell you my story, the story that has brought me to this place and time to tell you all from a different world…

I had every-thing people would dream and describe happiness is. The diamonds, the cars, the watches, the latest technology and lets not forget the mansion. I had everything that society says can bring peace and happiness, I had money and security. But I didn’t have him. 

I was alone with everything we had built together. I would wake up with the pain of what had happened and an empty space next to me as I turned over. This was, every…single…day. I stopped smiling, laughing, dancing and cooking in the kitchen amongst all of the quirky hanging signs we had picked out together. I was a demoralising presence to be around. Yet I couldn’t change. They say heartache is meant to get better, eventually one day, but it wasn’t going to for me.

I watched them kill him. Watched them propel the knife back and forth, immediately penetrating through his skin and into his body. They had a hold of me. I kicked and shoved and bit with all of my might trying to get them off me, trying to get to him, my love, my life, before it was too late. My wail was piercing, I wanted them to do something, anything, stop it. They could of taken everything off of me; the diamonds, the cars, the watches and the mansion. I wouldn’t of cared…but they took him. The piece of my life that matched my heart and soul. The piece that took me as far away from the solitude that wore thin in my eyes and my heart from gut wrenching loneliness. I saw him struggling, saw him helpless, I saw him losing his breath, I saw him look at me as he was dying before my eyes. I saw his lips mouth “I love you” before he collapsed to the floor with nothing left to save him. I saw him die. 

They did that to him. They did that to us. Those four men whom had been hired as hit men to solve a drug insolvency. Those four men that were idiotic enough to be involved in a murder, let alone the murder of an honest innocent man. My man. Destroyed his life and mine. They slaughtered him as if he was nothing, they didn’t listen to my scream. They weren’t going to hear us out, there mission was to kill.

I waited approximately five hundred and two days in solitude before it grew wary. I was in unbelievable pain, silence and loneliness every day. Nothing I did was good enough, absolutely nothing took the pain away. Only he could. I needed to be with him, I couldn’t go on without him. I wanted the security and happiness that oozed off of his character back. I needed him. 

Which is why on that dark dreary day in Wolverhampton I decided my solitude was over, it had worn thin… 

I was found hanging from the balcony in my mansion, surrounded by the riches and lavish things in a home we had built together. I had so much going for me, we had so much planned for our future, yet it was all destroyed. Only to be found by that mail man the next morning. It was over. That’s it, that’s my story. That is how I died, wanting to be with him. 

Across the Ocean

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

In June my best friend and I decided to book a trip across the ocean. We wanted to relax by a pool with the sweltering but beautiful heat hitting our skin turning our milk bottle complexions into pretty olive skin. We wanted to eat and drink and visit the seaside and be happy and at peace from reality for the week. And we did. Turkey was the most incredible holiday ever. I am so glad we booked to go, I wish we had made the decision to stay longer because I could’ve been there for weeks let alone 7 days…which in reality is 5 days due to travelling across the ocean and onto roads whilst catching up on the time difference and tanning routine.

When we arrived in Alanya Turkey we instantly felt the heat hit our faces. Obviously English weather is a tad bit different because it is either raining, freezing cold or we have had a couple days of dry weather, so we were in tracksuits equipped to walk the English streets, not the Turkish ones haha. After the boring bits were completed like passport control (which for anyone wondering about Turkey, you have to purchase a visa to enter the country beforehand online), and our airport transfer. We arrived at side crown sunshine.

The hotel was amazing, it was beautifully lit and had a bar, water fountain and indoor and outdoor seating areas. It was dark when we got there so we looked out from the balcony and saw the pool lit up and the sun loungers just waiting for us. Dinner was being served in the all inclusive resorts resturant, we realised it was mostly German and Polish orientated food…apart from the baclava (my FAV dessert) which I filled up on immediatley.

The resort at night time when standing by the pool

We spent the rest of the week sunbathing, laughing, mucking around, watching the shows in the evenings, eating and sleeping. Much to the Germans delight, who didn’t take a shining to us as the only English people there. That was the only negative I would say about the holiday. The resort was dominated by those whom had come from Germany, they would stare at us both and judge our every move. One night a woman physically moved away from us in disgust. It was quite confusing as I always treat everybody the way I like to be treated; I always smile, hold doors open, say please and thank you and help when help is needed. So I was quite shocked to be judged in that kind of way.

However, we didn’t let it affect us to the point where it ruined our holiday. We still had the best time and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Side Crown Sunshine in Alanya served us well…me a little too well as I try to burn off the pancakes, ice cream, turkish rice and baclava now I am back in the U.K….

My favourite parts of the holiday were definitley watching the shows in the evening whilst drinking vodka lemon and when we went to the beach during the day. My mum always did call me a water baby and I have always loved the sea…especially when it is super choppy with waves as you can have more fun diving into them or trying to avoid them. I also loved the fact that I was stress free and completley confident for the week I was out there. Maybe it was because no one there knew me so it helped.

Trying to master balancing and breathing in on the wall outside our room – a talent for the CV in my opinion haha.

I was truly content in Turkey. It was the perfect way to book end the summer season before I began at university…and make some memories I will always remember.

Intent For Content

x

Mind Our Minds

Mental Health Matters

Did you know approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK have been suffering from a mental health problem each year? Mental health problems can be anything from anxiety to schizophrenia and all are equally as difficult for the person suffering. I have been reading so many articles recently on male suicide rates rising as they feel as if they can’t talk to anyone if they are struggling. Just because a man is a man doesn’t mean that he should feel like it affects his masculinity if he is struggling mentally, because it doesn’t.

“The rate of suicides in Britain has risen sharply to its highest level since 2002, with men accounting for three-quarters of the number of people who took their own lives last year, official figures show.” – The guardian.

I have in particularly paid attention to the amount of young people suffering with mental health or coming to the irreversible conclusion to end there own life. It is saddening in so many ways and I wanted to bring light to it on my blog and on my social medias because I feel it is important to keep stimulating the conversation of mental health to normalise it and to help people.

I went through a period of severe sadness, I was prescribed sleeping tablets at night time because my thoughts became profound, I stopped talking to my mum and my brothers and my friends, I lashed out angrily for absolutley no reason, I was tired and unsociable, and most would’ve called me rude. Through this dark period I found a release through my writing…

I would say I was depressed for a few months, however, I pulled myself out of the dark place that barely anybody knew I was in. I knew that the storm was going to pass and that I could induce happiness through things such as eating right and exercising. It was difficult though I will never lie, even when doing the right things physically to help I did still struggle. Articles and social media recommends to talk to someone or ring a helpline but when you are in that moment mentally most people wouldn’t be able to do that at the click of there fingers. Talking does help, I realise that now I have spoken about my struggle to those that know me.

5 things I tried, in order to Mind My Mind:

  • Eating right: I cut out the bad food binges that I was subjecting my body too because it wasn’t providing my brain with anything remotely nutritious in order to stand a chance.
  • Exercise: This was a very valuable thing that helped me. Even though I was mentally tired I knew that the gym, a long walk or lifting weights releases the correct hormones (endorphins) which contribute to a less cloudy mood.
  • Talking: Although difficult, people needed to know how I was feeling and although I didnt tell them immediatley and tried to man up and deal with it alone when I did speak, even if it was only a little bit it helped me to release some of the pent up negative energy I was feeling. Going to my GP was the first step to me opening up. Sometimes a stranger is better than someone you know because they can listen and not feel every emotion that maybe a friend or parent would.
  • A hobby: I found my hobby through writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Everything I was thinking and feeling I wrote down. My drafts page on my wordpress account is nearly full up haha. But it worked for me and I fell in love with writing on my blog and have continued it now I am much happier.
  • Knowing that the storm will pass: I read quotes and kept in the back of my mind that everything is going to get better one day even when I couldn’t see it because my mind was completley unfocused. I felt the pain of feeling depressed and even when I wanted to give up and go I didn’t. Avoiding alcohol or substance abuse if that is how you see fit as a way to cope genuinley is a contributing factor to your mental health.

Now, I will never claim to be an expert because I most certainly am not. Im not a physcologist or someone whose job is to analyse or to try find the best way to help. I am a real person who has experienced a feeling of immense sadness and those dark thoughts that many cannot explain so I can sympathise with those who may be struggling.

Lets mind our minds together

Intent For Content

x

Another World

Uncategorised

I have had two readings from a physcic now. I found both to be very different yet very interesting. The experience is a shocking yet calming one. I felt at peace and somewhat connected to this other world which was being provided through this woman. My first physcic reading I went to at a time when their was a lot going on in my world, confusion and pain but also happiness…

I walked into Odettes front room and immediatley she stated that two relatives were in the room. My grandfathers.

“We’ve been watching you”

“Your room is diabological”

“You keep lying”

“Your head is in the clouds, face reality and get your shit together”

Those are some of the things that were communicated to me through Odette. To be quite frank they were spot on.

I was lying to people to cover for somebody…who thank god isn’t in my life anymore.

My room was diabological…which for the record is now emacculate because I moved back home to where I belong.

My head was in the clouds because I wasn’t listening to anybody, I thought that I was always right and I could make a decision about my life when I wanted to…I needed to listen, I needed to focus and grasp what people were trying to explain to me kindly.

I was mesmorised for the hour that I was in this lovely womans presence. It was such a different experience and Odette exerted such a normal personality until these spirits (if you can call them that im not to sure!) came to the surface. She was straight up and you could see that she wouldn’t be interuppted. The way I would describe it would be as if her head and ears hadn’t connected together to listen and understand what her mouth was saying…it was interesting to witness!

Now, I know their is speculation when discussing this other world and many different opinions. Some believe in it and base serious decisions off of these mediums whereas others think it is a load of crap. I think both sides have valid points because how can we prove it through these people, is their evidence that we can see with our own eyes instead of listen with our own ears? But how do these people know parts of us that we haven’t spoken about…how can they make such vast comments about things that haven’t happened yet…

What do you think?

Is this another world?

Intent For Content

x

Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

My Bestfriend

relationships

She is strong,

She is beautiful,

She is powerful,

She is the kindest,

She is honest,

She is my bestfriend…

She knows when i’m sad and when i’m happy. She can detect how i’m feeling from a single message or a look. Thats what I love about her,

I admire her strength because oh has she faced things that some would cave to,

I admire her beauty because she has it inside and out, those close to her feel safe and respected, she lights up a room with her smile and confidence,

I admire her power, her opinion matters to me, she has the ability to set me straight and help me see things from anothers perspective,

I admire her kindness, anyone that knows her knows that she would do anything for anyone, she gives and gives, and will always make you feel included and wanted,

I admire her honesty, I find it rare in others honesty…but my best friend will tell you when you’re right or wrong, whether that suits you or it doesn’t, she is the realest,

I am proud of her. Proud that we have shared a friendship for the best part of 10 years. We may argue and disagree (sometimes more often than others) but we get through it and adapt to eachother growing up. We are individuals at different levels, but to eachother we are equals.

That is my best friend.

Intent For Content

x

Fate

A Personal Perspective

“The developments of events outside a persons control. Regarded as predetermined by a supernatural power”.

What do you think about fate?

Do you believe that everything in life happens for a reason?

I believe in fate. I believe that you can always hold on to the aspect of fate. Especially when things are tough…or even when they aren’t. I think one day we all end up exactly where we are supposed to be, with exactly who we’re supposed to be with. I like that. Thats what I tell myself. I make sure I remind myself of fate often because one day, the paths my life paints for me will be because of fate…and a little bit of direction.

For example making a career for myself, one that I am happy with, one that serves purpose and contentment for me. I don’t want to think to myself one day that I have regrets and didn’t experience what I was meant to experience. I want to write, whatever i’m doing I want to write. I know that. I believe fate will take me there.

Another one is relationships. I feel like I write a lot about love and relationships. I think its because I love the idea of being in love, I believe in love. I want love. That perfect person to snuggle up with at night, share how your days been, laugh and experience things together… and one that supports you in everything you do and vice versa. Sometimes I have craved love so much that I have rerouted my life to focus on that or a person. However, my mum reminded me of something that I never stop to think of…

“If someone is meant for you, they will make it work no matter the circumstance, no matter the distance and no matter the obstacle…and if they don’t then that person is not for you”. When contemplating this I believe that following this will allow fate to take its course so you end up with who you are meant to be with. Even if sometimes it is going to mean holding the door open for some…fate will take its due course.

I think those are the main details that lead me to fate. Other things such as friendship, travel, education, holidays and events all pave the way to how our lives are meant to end up.

Thats what I believe.

Intent For Content

x

Weightloss

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Have you ever felt pressured to lose weight? Ever been on a massive 7 day binge, eating anything and everything that falls on your pathway…or maybe felt like you need to lose 5 pounds before you agree to a date with that girl or guy? Whatever it is I understand. I have been there and still go back there. Sometimes the easier option is to swing into mcdonalds or eat copious amounts of french stick with butter…yum!

Now, a bit about me and how my journey became my journey!…

I have always struggled with my size from a young age, I never really knew when to say no to food or what was good for me and what wasn’t. However, I was active and did things such as bike riding, horse riding, swimming and always got dragged on bloody 10 mile dog walks with my mum…much to a younger girls delight!

My severe weight gain came when I was diagnosed with glandular fever. I had it very badly and couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed some days because my body felt so weak that it was a challenging task. The tonsilitis was probably the worst part…as well as catching any germ that surfaced itself, as it would completely wipe my body out to unbearable extents. This is where the weight began to pile on badly. Where I wasn’t exercising and was constantly cooped up in doors…like a chicken in its hutch at night time, I filled a void with food. I didn’t have many friends during my time with glandular fever as they were all at school socialising, so I felt very much alone… which was also a contributing factor to gaining weight, as cheesy pasta became my best friend. The photo to the left of this paragraphs shows me at a whopping 17 stone which converted is 107 kg and 238 pounds. I was only 15 years old. This was an extremely bad weight to be at, especially at such a young age.

When it was time for me to ease back into school as my glandular fever was becoming weaker and my immune system was becoming stronger, I clung to food. It was my soul comfort when dealing with the anxieties of seeing everyone in my classes and wondering what everyone was thinking about when they saw I had grown a double chin and had a metaphorical tyre hanging off my stomach. I ate and ate and ate…junk food, pots of nutella, kinder bueno bars, crisps, burgers…everything. The worst part was I couldn’t stop and was using the now residing glandular fever as an excuse.

However, one day it clicked for me. I remember that day clearly at school. I could see my cellulite covered legs moving as I walked, showing clearly through my opaque school tights. I felt aware of the fat roll on my stomach as I sat down on my chair in citizenship studies…I grabbed my scarf and tried to hide my tummy with it…like that was going to make me 4 stone lighter. When I got home from school that day and walked up my stairs, I got out of breath, the feeling of breathlessness after walking up 12 steps was the tip of the iceburg for me. I knew then and there that I could not under any circumstances live my life like this. From that day then it all changed…

I put myself in an immediate calorie defecit. I went from consuming roughly 10,000 calories in fat and sugar to consuming 1500 calories in protein. I signed up for a gym membership and got myself down the gym 5 times a week after my school day had finished. I aimed to burn 300-500 calories a day whether that was on the cross trainer, bike or rowing machine. That was my goal. I achieved that goal and since then I haven’t gone back to my past.

Don’t get me wrong I do fall off the healthy band wagon, but that’s because i’m human and I am allowed to have good days and bad days. But my behaviour changes when I don’t eat properly or drink enough water or exercise. I feel lethargic and down and get bad headaches from consuming the junk food. So when I fall off, I always remember to get back on….

I hope you enjoyed reading

Intent For Content

x

Love

Descriptive Pieces, relationships

Love is the most visible form of purity and happiness. Love shows the human kind as gentle and caring. Love breaks down our walls and opens our hearts. It makes us feel secure, warm and content. It is perfect, yet totally imperfect at the same time. A feeling that can surge our through our blood and create a beautiful form of euphoria…Love is a feeling that everybody craves and everybody imagines. Because when you have love you have wholeness.

Love is powerful. It can warm you up yet cool you down at the same time. Love can enter your head and your heart in such peculiar ways. It can motivate you, inspire you or crowd you and control you. Although pure…love can be dangerous.

Where and what we find love in is dangerous. Everyone wants to chase a feeling of euphoria. Whether we can induce it through somebody or something, we as humans love to feel happy and wanted and safe.

Love can change people, love most certainly is blind, love can hurt, love can control and belittle…

But love is great. Love is a treasure in a world full of dishonour. Love is a prize after we compete. Love is whole and strong…and pure.

Find love in everything not just people. Find love in the world, your family, your animals, your food, your friends, your life. Love surrounds us for it is the most visible form of purity and happiness.

I love love.

Intent For Content

x

A London Luxury

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

So from my previous blog post “Dining in the sky”, which is on my page if you fancy a light read (gotta get a bit o self promo in whilst I can haha) I spoke about the shard and what it is like to go to one of the popular buildings of the city of London. I also want to talk about my experience at the London Sky Gardens…it was incredible!…

The queue outside of the prominent three story building was huge. Everyone was lining up at 20 Fenchurch street to witness the one of a kind 360 view of London and observe the beautifully crafted gardens inside.

We didn’t have to queue as we had reserved a table at Darwin brasserie inside the building. Upon entering the building the ground floor was beautiful. It had pristine tiled floors which glistened as the bright unpigmented lights shone down on them. There was a sculpted backdrop of deep green foliage, overlooking the reception desk where stood three women and a man ready to greet us with beaming smiles. My smile would always be bright if I worked in such an elegant building like the one at 20 Fenchurch Street.

The building overlooked all the city. You could not hide anything from this picturesque view. It looks elegant and beautiful…something you may not imagine it could be from ground level.

Now I don’t want to give a crazy amount away and post all of the photographs I took in case some of you wanted to go witness the beauty for yourselves, however I will post a couple for those wanting to observe from the comfort of there homes haha.

After going up the escaltor (which for reference was super speedy just like the shards…maybe its a massive building thing to have sonic fast escalators!) we arrived at the gardens and the restaurants. It was absolutely breath taking, I myself was mesmorised by the botanical plants that stood before me. They were absolutley gorgeous. I loved following the steps inside the garden which led to more botanicals…it completeley surrounded the resturants, bars and cafes like a magical plant kingdom. It was outstanding to witness. The gardens made me feel like I was in a dream and my brain had designed this little kingdom for me to explore…everything was cut, watered, sculpted, planted and placed down to the very last detail to make the experience an unforgettable one for the sky gardens visitors.

We wandered around taking in as much as our eyes could gather at once as there was so much going on…so much to go “Wow!!” at. We then made our way to the Darwin brasserie to be amazed further. The food was incredible, honestly I cannot even describe it. My tastebuds were super happy as I ate the freshly prepared food and drank my hand squeezed pure orange juice. I was living the dream. The staff were equally amazing, they made me feel like I was a royal with a bank account designed for the luxurious life. My mum and I spoke to the beautiful lady who was looking after us during our time at the resturant and she told us how happy her job made her, because she got to witness such an incredible view and place every single day.

The botanical gardens with a wee bit of background music.

Above is a little video for you all to have a look at what I was witnessing. It really doesn’t do the building justice…I only wish I spent longer up there to be mesmorised and take good videos for everyone, haha.

The cheesecake was the best ever…beautiful and creamy with the best biscuit texture.

Here are some photos of the lovely food we ordered

Overall my experience at Sky Gardens in London was mindblowing, incredible and truly beautiful. It exceeded my expectations and I only ased to go back there this morning before I wrote this post haha. The buildings prominence in the city provides it with a total uniqueness as it gives visitors the oppurtunty to witness London at a 360 view. If you have been thinking about visiting Sky Garden I 100% recommend…in fact you might see me up there living in the clean cut plants and beginning a new life…

Intent For Content

x