Across the Ocean

In June my best friend and I decided to book a trip across the ocean. We wanted to relax by a pool with the sweltering but beautiful heat hitting our skin turning our milk bottle complexions into pretty olive skin. We wanted to eat and drink and visit the seaside and be happy and at peace from reality for the week. And we did. Turkey was the most incredible holiday ever. I am so glad we booked to go, I wish we had made the decision to stay longer because I could’ve been there for weeks let alone 7 days…which in reality is 5 days due to travelling across the ocean and onto roads whilst catching up on the time difference and tanning routine.

When we arrived in Alanya Turkey we instantly felt the heat hit our faces. Obviously English weather is a tad bit different because it is either raining, freezing cold or we have had a couple days of dry weather, so we were in tracksuits equipped to walk the English streets, not the Turkish ones haha. After the boring bits were completed like passport control (which for anyone wondering about Turkey, you have to purchase a visa to enter the country beforehand online), and our airport transfer. We arrived at side crown sunshine.

The hotel was amazing, it was beautifully lit and had a bar, water fountain and indoor and outdoor seating areas. It was dark when we got there so we looked out from the balcony and saw the pool lit up and the sun loungers just waiting for us. Dinner was being served in the all inclusive resorts resturant, we realised it was mostly German and Polish orientated food…apart from the baclava (my FAV dessert) which I filled up on immediatley.

The resort at night time when standing by the pool

We spent the rest of the week sunbathing, laughing, mucking around, watching the shows in the evenings, eating and sleeping. Much to the Germans delight, who didn’t take a shining to us as the only English people there. That was the only negative I would say about the holiday. The resort was dominated by those whom had come from Germany, they would stare at us both and judge our every move. One night a woman physically moved away from us in disgust. It was quite confusing as I always treat everybody the way I like to be treated; I always smile, hold doors open, say please and thank you and help when help is needed. So I was quite shocked to be judged in that kind of way.

However, we didn’t let it affect us to the point where it ruined our holiday. We still had the best time and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Side Crown Sunshine in Alanya served us well…me a little too well as I try to burn off the pancakes, ice cream, turkish rice and baclava now I am back in the U.K….

My favourite parts of the holiday were definitley watching the shows in the evening whilst drinking vodka lemon and when we went to the beach during the day. My mum always did call me a water baby and I have always loved the sea…especially when it is super choppy with waves as you can have more fun diving into them or trying to avoid them. I also loved the fact that I was stress free and completley confident for the week I was out there. Maybe it was because no one there knew me so it helped.

Trying to master balancing and breathing in on the wall outside our room – a talent for the CV in my opinion haha.

I was truly content in Turkey. It was the perfect way to book end the summer season before I began at university…and make some memories I will always remember.

Intent For Content

x

Contentment

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

Insecurity

Isn’t insecurity the most painful, mind consuming thing in the world? Doesn’t it take up so much of your time, happiness and headspace? As I sit here and write this I’m currently guilty of all of the above. The past 12 hours have been awful. I feel awful. I hate myself…but why? why do I do this?

Since I was a little girl I’ve always had slight insecurities but I was younger and not that fussed then. I don’t know how I’ve gotten to the point I am today. A complete mess. But i’m here and i’m trying to deal with it and as others would say… “get over myself”.

Its sad that society has a huge deal to do with this. That perfect image. Social media definitely doesn’t help. Realistically, everyone can say its all photo shop and filters, but a supermodel is still going to look like a supermodel without the filter. I mean it leads people to dark places, even getting surgery because they don’t feel good enough or like they match society’s idea of perfection. People, especially women, are destroying the beauty they were born with, going to far and getting hated on after its happened. If we took society, social media and comparisons out of the equation I bet 100% of women would be happier and prouder in there own skin.

The thoughts that consume my mind are that I am ugly. Im not worth it. Im a downgrade. Im fat. It constantly whirls round in my head and although sometimes I can leave it be…the thoughts are always there tip tapping back. My insecurity has destroyed my self confidence because I am constantly concerned that I am not a skinny girl with silicone on my chest and beautiful long blonde flowing hair. It makes me unhappy beyond belief and has made me so sensitive. I feel that once I have filler in my lips and extensions In my hair I will be better… why should I feel like that? Why should I change my image that I was happy with a few months ago because I don’t feel like i’m good enough?

I refuse to do this for much longer. I won’t keep putting myself down. I need to learn that comparison will always hurt me and that its not worth it because in reality…there will always be someone skinnier, someone will always be prettier and someone will always be smarter. But they will never be me…

Intent for Content

x

Lost In London

Ever gotten lost? felt that panic inside you as you have absolutely no idea where you are or how to get back. Well me too. I mean I get lost around my hometown way to often to put down on a page, but I can easily navigate my way out of that kinda lost, with my trusty sat nav…I love you iPhone.

I remember oh so clearly the time I got really lost. I did not have a bloody clue. I had been journeying up to London for a couple of weeks to see a friend. I knew the way I usually went. Start at Tunbridge wells railway station, change at Orpington, then again at Hither Green, then bam you’ve found the Dartford line hop on that and your their, no problem at all. However, this time all had changed for me…

I began my usual routine. Coffee at Tunbridge wells, Platform 1 for trains to the city. Not a problem. Had my ticket bought at the ready, had the good tunes playing on my Spotify, not a care in the world, happy days for me. I got to Orpington, like I had been doing for the past couple of weeks, however on arrival there everything had changed.

“Get to Grove Park for bus replacements to Hither Green”

“Change from platform 3 to 6 for Grove Park”

“Buses replace trains at the following stations”

Oh shit. Feeling a little panicked to begin with I followed the instructions the southeastern man was bellowing to passengers. Hopping on the train to Grove Park I thought to myself, Ive got this… I am a strong, independent woman. Disregarding the fact that I was seventeen years old and thought Grove Park was a play park not a place. On arrival at grove park I strode off thinking this would be an easy task. Well just to let you all know it went tits up from here.

This promised bus replacement was non existent. G R E A T. I ended up on a public London bus that went here there and everywhere. A woman, bless her, had told me that the bus went to Hither Green so with familarity in mind I trusted her and got on. Well one hour later I see a sign for Catford… Catford?!?! WHERE is that. Realising I was in fact near Lewisham I asked everyone on the bus if I was going to Hither Green or the Netherlands.

“Yes you are”

About 40 minutes later quite frankly feeling sick and wanting to go home I got off the bus. I walked for 20 minutes trying to find Hither Green station. By the time I arrived I was in tears. Anxiety bubbling In my body I got to the platform. No trains. In despair I sat on the platform crying.

Shortly after, I met Brian…omg Brian was the kindest most helpful worker I think SouthEastern has ever employed. He calmed me down and stood outside of Hither Green with me until I was sat on that replacement bus waving good bye to him. I would’ve probably sat on the platform until the trains were running again.

As for my friend… well were not friends anymore…

Now. If your ever planning a journey like mine…always remember to check trainline! haha.

Intent for Content x