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We’re not just students

A Personal Perspective, Uncategorised

University.

It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.

  1. Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
  2. Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
  3. Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
  4. Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!

I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…

We’re not just students.

Intent for content

x

p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx

Is it disrespectful to like girls photos when you are in a relationship…

advice

Relationships can be challenging at times without the affects of social media, especially when establishing boundaries between whats acceptable and respectful towards your significant other. Social media could just be a problem for the younger generation and there partners as we are always glued to our phones and have been raised in the generation that social media has got bigger and bigger…and bigger.

A popular topic for debate is social media, in particular apps such as Instagram and Facebook. There are so many other people, friends and acquaintance’s posting there best angles and prettiest filters, as well as there figures for everyone to see. Innocent actions such as posting a photo or a video can trigger anger, jealousy or sometimes insecurity when these posts are liked by those in a relationship and opinions are definitley mixed when talking about it. Is it stupid to be angry at something online? Should it really be a cause for accusations? Is the argument justified?

What do you think?

Personally, if I was in a relationship (which im not – im very single, however very happy!) this wouldn’t bother me…I mean it bothered me when my ex partner slept with other people, not so much the liking photos haha. I put social media in a seperate box to the real world, even though I do get insecure I wouldn’t say that my partner liking another womans photo is justification for arguments and potentially ruining a good thing but I can understand why people can be affected by it.

I was thinking a lot about it so asked around and one of the reasons that affected some people was the insecurity when seeing that there boyfriend/girlfriend has liked someone of the opposite sex photo. I was told by someone that it affects them because the person who has posted the photo can see who has liked it which triggers insecurity in there mind. I can empathise with this point of view because feeling insecure and needing support in your relationship is valid by all means, and if social media responses causes this then it is understandable.

What writing means to me

Uncategorised

We all have our little hobbies or our ways to release life sometimes, because life is hard yet amazing all at the same time. Writing is my release.

Sometimes I forget that this little blog I started writing on over a year ago has genuine viewers, anyone in the world can find my link, log on and read when I am in pain, when I am happy, heartbroken or content…I forget how many people have seen me in the purest light possible.

But I love it. It feels like a therapy session in a way, or just a way to show people a place I have been to or someone I have met that has made an impact on my life. Writing brings me closure and allows me to refocus, it allows me to speak and develop, it has helped me to grow in some situations I thought I would never learn from.

Writing is a way for me to create my own little world, solely dependant on me, my brain and my words…

My life has been crazy this year, it has had so many changes, people have come and gone but the one constant that has always remained is my writing.

Intent for content

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Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

Weightloss

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Have you ever felt pressured to lose weight? Ever been on a massive 7 day binge, eating anything and everything that falls on your pathway…or maybe felt like you need to lose 5 pounds before you agree to a date with that girl or guy? Whatever it is I understand. I have been there and still go back there. Sometimes the easier option is to swing into mcdonalds or eat copious amounts of french stick with butter…yum!

Now, a bit about me and how my journey became my journey!…

I have always struggled with my size from a young age, I never really knew when to say no to food or what was good for me and what wasn’t. However, I was active and did things such as bike riding, horse riding, swimming and always got dragged on bloody 10 mile dog walks with my mum…much to a younger girls delight!

My severe weight gain came when I was diagnosed with glandular fever. I had it very badly and couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed some days because my body felt so weak that it was a challenging task. The tonsilitis was probably the worst part…as well as catching any germ that surfaced itself, as it would completely wipe my body out to unbearable extents. This is where the weight began to pile on badly. Where I wasn’t exercising and was constantly cooped up in doors…like a chicken in its hutch at night time, I filled a void with food. I didn’t have many friends during my time with glandular fever as they were all at school socialising, so I felt very much alone… which was also a contributing factor to gaining weight, as cheesy pasta became my best friend. The photo to the left of this paragraphs shows me at a whopping 17 stone which converted is 107 kg and 238 pounds. I was only 15 years old. This was an extremely bad weight to be at, especially at such a young age.

When it was time for me to ease back into school as my glandular fever was becoming weaker and my immune system was becoming stronger, I clung to food. It was my soul comfort when dealing with the anxieties of seeing everyone in my classes and wondering what everyone was thinking about when they saw I had grown a double chin and had a metaphorical tyre hanging off my stomach. I ate and ate and ate…junk food, pots of nutella, kinder bueno bars, crisps, burgers…everything. The worst part was I couldn’t stop and was using the now residing glandular fever as an excuse.

However, one day it clicked for me. I remember that day clearly at school. I could see my cellulite covered legs moving as I walked, showing clearly through my opaque school tights. I felt aware of the fat roll on my stomach as I sat down on my chair in citizenship studies…I grabbed my scarf and tried to hide my tummy with it…like that was going to make me 4 stone lighter. When I got home from school that day and walked up my stairs, I got out of breath, the feeling of breathlessness after walking up 12 steps was the tip of the iceburg for me. I knew then and there that I could not under any circumstances live my life like this. From that day then it all changed…

I put myself in an immediate calorie defecit. I went from consuming roughly 10,000 calories in fat and sugar to consuming 1500 calories in protein. I signed up for a gym membership and got myself down the gym 5 times a week after my school day had finished. I aimed to burn 300-500 calories a day whether that was on the cross trainer, bike or rowing machine. That was my goal. I achieved that goal and since then I haven’t gone back to my past.

Don’t get me wrong I do fall off the healthy band wagon, but that’s because i’m human and I am allowed to have good days and bad days. But my behaviour changes when I don’t eat properly or drink enough water or exercise. I feel lethargic and down and get bad headaches from consuming the junk food. So when I fall off, I always remember to get back on….

I hope you enjoyed reading

Intent For Content

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Love

Descriptive Pieces, relationships

Love is the most visible form of purity and happiness. Love shows the human kind as gentle and caring. Love breaks down our walls and opens our hearts. It makes us feel secure, warm and content. It is perfect, yet totally imperfect at the same time. A feeling that can surge our through our blood and create a beautiful form of euphoria…Love is a feeling that everybody craves and everybody imagines. Because when you have love you have wholeness.

Love is powerful. It can warm you up yet cool you down at the same time. Love can enter your head and your heart in such peculiar ways. It can motivate you, inspire you or crowd you and control you. Although pure…love can be dangerous.

Where and what we find love in is dangerous. Everyone wants to chase a feeling of euphoria. Whether we can induce it through somebody or something, we as humans love to feel happy and wanted and safe.

Love can change people, love most certainly is blind, love can hurt, love can control and belittle…

But love is great. Love is a treasure in a world full of dishonour. Love is a prize after we compete. Love is whole and strong…and pure.

Find love in everything not just people. Find love in the world, your family, your animals, your food, your friends, your life. Love surrounds us for it is the most visible form of purity and happiness.

I love love.

Intent For Content

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Dining In The Sky

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

The shard is a remarkable experience. It is beautiful and picturesque. It is worth every penny just to witness that incredible view of the city of London. The transpicuous windows surround the prominent building allowing the light to seep through and spread across the floors, bouncing off the beautifully polished surfaces.

The food is petitie yet filling. Everything has an intricate detail up to the very last garnishing of herbs on top of a sandwhich…or a cherry placed perfectly upon sponge cake. Dining in the sky has never been more inviting.

As well as this the staff treat you like royalty. They smile and wave as you walk in and talk to you with the perfect etiquette. As if every persons feedback is imperative to there success in the building. It is lovely to be respected in such a way.

I would always recommend a visit to the shard. Go observe and capture its unique beauty and view the city of London in a completley different way. One of the United Kingdoms greater experiences…

Intent For Content

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Beauty

A Personal Perspective

How do you describe something that is beautiful? What would you say beauty is?

Is it a smile a heartbeat, laughter, food, alcohol, objects or animals…or is it everything?

Googles definition of beauty is “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”

I have been pondering the definition of beauty for a while now. Especially others opinions and descriptions of it. There is so much stigma around the persona of beauty, which is enhanced by social media. It makes me wonder about the younger generation and what they are growing up amongst. As an almost nineteen year old I have seen what the word beauty can do and trying to live up to someone else’s vision of beauty…no wonder the percentage of cosmetic procedures have gone up these past couple years with breast augumentation surgey rising upwards by 12%. Sometimes I think it is sad that people want to change what they were blessed with.

I spose when I am asked what beauty is I would of suggested another woman because of what I have processed from the use of social media. However, I now believe beauty can be seen in everything and everyone. If I could people at age sixteen to eighteen I would tell them to love themself and everything…

Intent For Content

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I want to be more interactive on social media and post more about self confidence…

Instagram: @intentforcontent

Twitter: @intent4content

Sunset

Descriptive Pieces, Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Deep oranges and yellows interacting with each other in the sky…dipping in and out of the clouds, deepening in colour as the time changes…like a kaleidoscope, bursting with colour. Drifting peacefully.

When i’m told to envision beauty, I think of a sunset. I think of the way the colours glow and beam down on everything beneath them. The way they bounce off of buildings and rest on peoples faces. In summer, when you stay at the waters edge just a while longer…you can see the reflection in the water as the beach has emptied and everything rests, still.

I loved that about summer. I loved taking some time to myself, after work or after seeing friends. I would walk along the seafront in the evenings just watching…unwinding and thinking whilst watching the colours change the further I walked. When I was on holiday  my family and I would walk along the promenade in the evenings after dinner watching the sunset, chatting about what our plans were when we left the beautiful island we were on. Everyone was completely at peace. Like they should be.

Sunsets are a fragment of life that makes me happy. Its completely free to appreciate the beauty and the colours they provide you with. Above are some gorgeous sunsets I’ve witnessed this year.

What makes you happy?

Intent for Content

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Tweet me @intent4content

Holiday Hoopla

stories

Whilst I sat on the rocks at sunrise it came to me that this was the only place I’ve been this holiday without an STD.

Now let’s rewind.

After 3 hours of chewing in my ear and no leg room, I arrived in Malia. I had the upmost optimism that I was going to spend the week nurturing a golden glow and forgetting about the diet, with an enormous bag of lays potato chips (they aren’t the same as walkers okay). Little did I know I was about to play holiday hoopla.

Obstacle one. Rejection. I didn’t realise how naive I could be until I was at brits bar. This was the hotspot for getting absolutely obliterated for as little as 10 euros. You would go to the bar men, pay your 10 euros then get unlimited drinks for one hour… what could go wrong? For the second night in a row I wound up in brits bar drinking and dancing with my friends. My friends were off on the pull, eyeing up anything or anyone that would give them the attention they needed for the night. This left me alone, which I was ok with as I was half sober and knew what I was doing. I decided to go and sit in the seating area of the bar. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. I was approached by a man who had claimed to of been “watching me all night”. He sat down next to me, swirling his vodka red bull around in the glass as he spoke. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his hotel with him, expressing that he knew I wanted to. Little did he know, I was on a completely separate page to him. I continued to decline politely, not wanting to embarrass him. He then lunged at me…I pushed him off and with more aggression this time explained that “I said no, so meant no”. A few turned there heads and eyes glanced to see what the drama was. He didn’t like this. Suddenly, I felt a huge thump in my side… the pain channelled across my rib cage and into my stomach. Confused and hurting I turned to see what had just happened. Did he really just kick me? Yes… yes he did. He murmured “don’t ever reject me” got up and walked away. In complete disbelief as to what had just happened, I decided to call It a night.

I was one game down into a long 72 hours. Obstacle two was commencing in 1 hour… I just didn’t know it yet. I decided to pick myself up from the incident last night and being made to sleep on the balcony whilst my friends decided to have a group session of sexual relations with strangers and carry on the day. I put my makeup on, scraped my crazy curls into a bun and slipped into my ditsy lace white dress, deciding to forget about the events of the last 24 hours and start again.

Game two commenced. I was having a somewhat good time at the beach party, I liked the music and the fruity drink I was sipping on out of a beach bucket… so not all was bad! My friends were actually with me too, we were all dancing, singing by the stage and taking selfies in the flashing lights, not caring about the other people around us. My friends didn’t look like they were looking to take people back with them either, the beach party was definitely going to make up for last nights disaster. However, it then turned pear shaped very quickly. I was filming the stage and the music for as little as one minute…turned around to find all my friends had completely disappeared. Feeling panicked I started to look for them. No sign. No sign by the toilets, no sign by the entrance, the exit, the bar, the stage…they were no where. omg. My heartbeat quickened at the thought of being alone. I left the party in search of them and began to roam the greek streets. Alone. The streets were busy, packed with men on mopeds who slowed down to look at me in my white dress, menacing grins spread across there faces because they knew I was alone and not from here. Fear resided in my body, it felt like nasty butterflies fighting in my stomach and throat as I carried on walking looking for my friends. Still no sign. After an hour of searching, panic quickening in my body by the second, the last straw was a greek man who grabbed me and ran his fingers across my waist, tapping on me like fingers on a keyboard. I ran. Ran back to the crumby hotel room with no air condition, tears streaming down my face because I hadn’t found my friends who could be anywhere and out of sheer fright. I got back to the hotel room and wanted my mum. It was like I was five years old again and having a nightmare where I screamed for mum to come into my bedroom and comfort me. Within a minute I had her on the other end of the phone, sobbing my heart out and explaining what had happened and that I wanted to come home. Within five minutes I was booked on the next flight home and my travel had been arranged. It was as if mum was involved in a life or death situation the way she managed to get me home and calm me down so quickly. I had lost the game of holiday hoopla…

At sunrise, I awoke. I saw my friends and some unfamiliar faces curled up in the single beds next to me. Well they’d made it back somehow, completely disregarding my existence. Picking up a T-shirt, shorts and flip-flops, I headed towards the beach.

Alone, I sat on the rock reeling from the events of the last 48 hours. It was the most at peace I had been, my heartbeat returning to a normal beat. The sun was rising the warm glow spreading across the sapphire ocean and creeping up the beach, reflecting off of the stack of clean glasses on the side of the beach bar.  The Waves splashed calmly against the rock I was using as a chair, tickling my toes. It was so beautiful. Everyone back at the hotel was missing this for what? sex and booze.

Smiling I thought to myself… this rock is the only place without an STD.