Getting Back With Your Ex ~ Lost Cause Or Not?

relationships

I have been pondering the thought of whether getting back into a relationship after, for whatever reason, you decided to call it quits, is a good idea. Can some couples go back to being the way that they were before life or eachother intervened with there dynamic?

Personally, I sway more towards the answer of no. I think it’s a lost cause unless the breakup wasn’t either persons fault. For example, if someone goes to university or someone goes travelling and the relationship has ended to protect one anothers feelings. I believe people can come back together in those sort of circumstances because sometimes life does get in the way. I think there has to be a bit of leeway with relationships so giving something one more chance and seeing how it goes is a good thing…however, if two people have broken up and gotten together more than once they need to accept that there relationship is a lost cause, I know this from my previous experiences.

When I was 18 years old I got into a relationship with a 27 year old, thinking I was mega mature and a grown up. Disregarding the other elements that destroyed the relationship such as the mental abuse and physical. I remember it was a downward slope when we both ended the relationship with one another. We did it, not once. not twice. three times? nooope lets try again this is working! four times and then FIVE bloody times before I was strong enough to accept defeat. It became the most mind numbing, pointless thing and it definitley affected us both mentally to the point where a year later I want someone in my life but at the same time I don’t because it scares me the picking up and dropping a person can do to another. So from that perspective I would say ab-so-lut-ley NOT to taking back an ex… You’re better than that.

JD ~ “It depends on what the couple have gone through – toxic relationships can sometimes take a couple of go’s in order for both parties to realise how detrimental they are to eachother. However I’ve known people to get back together and make it because they needed time to work on themselves in order to be part of a due.”

LM ~ “If the relationship ended just because of something like distance in a long distance relationship then I reckon get back together if your paths cross. Cheating or fallen out of love – absolutley do not take back but if it ended due to circumstance and life but there was still something there then absolutley go for it.”

BT ~ “If I got back with an ex where the relationship failed due to serious reasons I would be seen as weak. It is never a good idea to get back with an ex…unless there is a different circumstance.

The answers I look for in these questions are more to be debated because can you really. make a weighted judgement on something like getting back with an ex? I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer unless the circumstance involes a bad relationship then it is always NO NO and NO, but as I have learnt myself that is something that is extremely difficult to do when you’re in love or think you’re in love. However, after conducting research and asking the question “Do you think getting back with an ex is a lost cause or not?” to others, the definitive answer was yes, it is a lost cause.

On my Instagram: tatianaxmurray ~ I conducted a poll asking my followers to vote ~ I thought the poll would be interesting as you get to click one or the other and cannot ponder the reasons, so people’s answers came from there immediate thought when seeing the questions. It was fascinating to get answers from strangers of all different ages ~ The beauty of the instaaaaaa ~ 76% of voters said it is a lost cause whilst the other 26% said it wasn’t.

So if a one worded answer was to come from the question it is yes, getting back with your ex is a lost cause!

Intent For Content

xox

Is it disrespectful to like girls photos when you are in a relationship…

advice

Relationships can be challenging at times without the affects of social media, especially when establishing boundaries between whats acceptable and respectful towards your significant other. Social media could just be a problem for the younger generation and there partners as we are always glued to our phones and have been raised in the generation that social media has got bigger and bigger…and bigger.

A popular topic for debate is social media, in particular apps such as Instagram and Facebook. There are so many other people, friends and acquaintance’s posting there best angles and prettiest filters, as well as there figures for everyone to see. Innocent actions such as posting a photo or a video can trigger anger, jealousy or sometimes insecurity when these posts are liked by those in a relationship and opinions are definitley mixed when talking about it. Is it stupid to be angry at something online? Should it really be a cause for accusations? Is the argument justified?

What do you think?

Personally, if I was in a relationship (which im not – im very single, however very happy!) this wouldn’t bother me…I mean it bothered me when my ex partner slept with other people, not so much the liking photos haha. I put social media in a seperate box to the real world, even though I do get insecure I wouldn’t say that my partner liking another womans photo is justification for arguments and potentially ruining a good thing but I can understand why people can be affected by it.

I was thinking a lot about it so asked around and one of the reasons that affected some people was the insecurity when seeing that there boyfriend/girlfriend has liked someone of the opposite sex photo. I was told by someone that it affects them because the person who has posted the photo can see who has liked it which triggers insecurity in there mind. I can empathise with this point of view because feeling insecure and needing support in your relationship is valid by all means, and if social media responses causes this then it is understandable.

Across the Ocean

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

In June my best friend and I decided to book a trip across the ocean. We wanted to relax by a pool with the sweltering but beautiful heat hitting our skin turning our milk bottle complexions into pretty olive skin. We wanted to eat and drink and visit the seaside and be happy and at peace from reality for the week. And we did. Turkey was the most incredible holiday ever. I am so glad we booked to go, I wish we had made the decision to stay longer because I could’ve been there for weeks let alone 7 days…which in reality is 5 days due to travelling across the ocean and onto roads whilst catching up on the time difference and tanning routine.

When we arrived in Alanya Turkey we instantly felt the heat hit our faces. Obviously English weather is a tad bit different because it is either raining, freezing cold or we have had a couple days of dry weather, so we were in tracksuits equipped to walk the English streets, not the Turkish ones haha. After the boring bits were completed like passport control (which for anyone wondering about Turkey, you have to purchase a visa to enter the country beforehand online), and our airport transfer. We arrived at side crown sunshine.

The hotel was amazing, it was beautifully lit and had a bar, water fountain and indoor and outdoor seating areas. It was dark when we got there so we looked out from the balcony and saw the pool lit up and the sun loungers just waiting for us. Dinner was being served in the all inclusive resorts resturant, we realised it was mostly German and Polish orientated food…apart from the baclava (my FAV dessert) which I filled up on immediatley.

The resort at night time when standing by the pool

We spent the rest of the week sunbathing, laughing, mucking around, watching the shows in the evenings, eating and sleeping. Much to the Germans delight, who didn’t take a shining to us as the only English people there. That was the only negative I would say about the holiday. The resort was dominated by those whom had come from Germany, they would stare at us both and judge our every move. One night a woman physically moved away from us in disgust. It was quite confusing as I always treat everybody the way I like to be treated; I always smile, hold doors open, say please and thank you and help when help is needed. So I was quite shocked to be judged in that kind of way.

However, we didn’t let it affect us to the point where it ruined our holiday. We still had the best time and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Side Crown Sunshine in Alanya served us well…me a little too well as I try to burn off the pancakes, ice cream, turkish rice and baclava now I am back in the U.K….

My favourite parts of the holiday were definitley watching the shows in the evening whilst drinking vodka lemon and when we went to the beach during the day. My mum always did call me a water baby and I have always loved the sea…especially when it is super choppy with waves as you can have more fun diving into them or trying to avoid them. I also loved the fact that I was stress free and completley confident for the week I was out there. Maybe it was because no one there knew me so it helped.

Trying to master balancing and breathing in on the wall outside our room – a talent for the CV in my opinion haha.

I was truly content in Turkey. It was the perfect way to book end the summer season before I began at university…and make some memories I will always remember.

Intent For Content

x

Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

My Bestfriend

relationships

She is strong,

She is beautiful,

She is powerful,

She is the kindest,

She is honest,

She is my bestfriend…

She knows when i’m sad and when i’m happy. She can detect how i’m feeling from a single message or a look. Thats what I love about her,

I admire her strength because oh has she faced things that some would cave to,

I admire her beauty because she has it inside and out, those close to her feel safe and respected, she lights up a room with her smile and confidence,

I admire her power, her opinion matters to me, she has the ability to set me straight and help me see things from anothers perspective,

I admire her kindness, anyone that knows her knows that she would do anything for anyone, she gives and gives, and will always make you feel included and wanted,

I admire her honesty, I find it rare in others honesty…but my best friend will tell you when you’re right or wrong, whether that suits you or it doesn’t, she is the realest,

I am proud of her. Proud that we have shared a friendship for the best part of 10 years. We may argue and disagree (sometimes more often than others) but we get through it and adapt to eachother growing up. We are individuals at different levels, but to eachother we are equals.

That is my best friend.

Intent For Content

x

Him

relationships

I love the feeling of contentment. It feels like snuggling up inside your white fluffy dressing gown at the end of the day. Or jumping into a warm bath after being out in the freezing cold during winter. I love it. I can only describe contentment as being warm inside…

Thats how he makes me feel.

I’ve never searched for love. I haven’t felt like there is a dead line for it even though some may say there is. I think independence is truly beautiful, being your own person, having your own goals…thriving off of your own mindset. Love comes after that. I think the world has a way of bringing people in and out of your life to teach you that…although in doing so it sometimes hurts. A lot. But once you see love in other things and other people, your ready.

I wasn’t searching for him, but he came around at a perfect time. Not because I was unhappy and needed someone, but because I had learnt how to be content within myself and my life.

Why did I fall in love with him? It was the way he always made me feel secure…even though he didn’t need to in the beginning. I always and do always know where I stand with him. I like that. Its the little things he does, like checking if i’m hungry or want my usual drink…a glass of water, not forgetting the ice cubes, for extra coldness. I fell in love with him because he always tells me he loves me and makes me feel wanted, even though I may doubt myself sometimes. Or when we sing in the car, (its mostly him ), waiting to see who stops first because they’ve forgotten the words to the song, bursting into laughter afterwards. I love that. We don’t need to take things seriously, yet can if we want to. I think thats important when sharing your life with someone… finding that balance. The list goes on…I could express plenty of reasons why I love him but I don’t need to because the most important feeling I have is contentment.

You deserve to feel like your wrapped up in a fluffy white dressing gown every single day. Don’t accept anything less from life, wether you have a him, a her, or you. Jump into that warm bath…

Intent for content

x

Relationships

relationships

Relationships are never a straight forward thing. There is so much detail that comes with inviting another person into your life and letting them get to know every part of you…I think of it like the melting of an ice-cube. When you are alone you are this perfect, crystal clear ice cube. However, when you let another person into your life the ice cube starts to melt. Slowly, it heats up, you can see the condensation and the formation of a puddle of water as it starts to subside –  until you’ve got nothing left to be melted. So what once was this ice-cold dimensional sculpture lies there… now a puddle of warm water.

So much happens before the puddle of water is created. Dating, eating, drinking, laughing, crying, singing, shouting, confusion, mind games, missed calls, read messages, photos, journeys, long walks, second thoughts, games and misunderstanding. I could write lists and lists about what every individual goes through before they melt… but every ice-cube is different.

These things take time, everything takes time… if you want to be with someone you need to get to know every fine detail about them… I realised that last night after walking to the train station alone in the pouring rain. Maybe I need to be an ice-cube for a little while longer..