My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…
I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.
I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…
Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.
When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…
Lots of love
Intent for content x
How do you describe something that is beautiful? What would you say beauty is?
Is it a smile a heartbeat, laughter, food, alcohol, objects or animals…or is it everything?
Googles definition of beauty is “a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.”
I have been pondering the definition of beauty for a while now. Especially others opinions and descriptions of it. There is so much stigma around the persona of beauty, which is enhanced by social media. It makes me wonder about the younger generation and what they are growing up amongst. As an almost nineteen year old I have seen what the word beauty can do and trying to live up to someone else’s vision of beauty…no wonder the percentage of cosmetic procedures have gone up these past couple years with breast augumentation surgey rising upwards by 12%. Sometimes I think it is sad that people want to change what they were blessed with.
I spose when I am asked what beauty is I would of suggested another woman because of what I have processed from the use of social media. However, I now believe beauty can be seen in everything and everyone. If I could people at age sixteen to eighteen I would tell them to love themself and everything…
Intent For Content
I want to be more interactive on social media and post more about self confidence…
Now. I know it has been a while. I suppose I became uninspired for a while…which is completley normal when you are going through some difficulty on the interior and exterior of your life. You morphe into a completley different person when times get difficult. It is almost as if your soul has left your body and is waiting to come back when you feel like smiling again. As long as we remember that our soul is going to come back, everything will be okay.
I reached a halt at multiple pathways. I was confused about the pathway I was walking down, where I was headed, who I was headed with and what I was doing in life. I still do get confused, however, I somewhat feel as if I am healing…I am making decisions to create a better me, I am following my heart, what makes me excited, what brings out my big beautiful grin that got lost in these pathways last year.
I am unchaining the lines in my palms and the nail which was placed in my heart. I feel content, happy, relieved…
As I type I remember how happy this blog makes me. It was something I lost direction of.
Hope you are all well
Thank you for reading…I am back
Intent For Content
I was shuddering uncontrollably, the pain seeping through my system like an electric shock. The colour violet replaced my once rosy cheeks, draining my olive coloured skin until it was yellow. Throbbing pulsated on my ankle, travelling up my leg, almost as if someone was running a knife through me. My vision dipped in and out of focus as I tried to concentrate on getting to my phone…
I awoke in hospital. Everything was fuzzy, I could only feel the warmth in my cheeks as I tried to wiggle my toes and move my legs. It was a dull feeling of pins and needles. Almost as if someone had strapped me down onto the hospital bed and I couldn’t escape. I rolled my head to the side and saw my mum. Worry spread across her face, especially her eyes, as she watched her daughter lay nearly lifeless before her.
Doctors surrounded me, as if I was priority. Poking and prodding at me trying to figure out what was wrong and why I couldn’t feel anything. I felt weak as I watched the drip I was attached to feed me like I was a little baby again and that was my plastic spoon. Hushed voices chimed in sync together, discussing and determining what was happening, pointing at the only clue they had…the blister on my ankle. It was now a hole. Black, red and purple mixing together and settling around it to indicate something was wrong. That’s what poisoned me…that little patch where my trainer had rubbed and broken the skin It was covering…that’s what nearly killed me…
All of the following facts and descriptions come from sepsis trust: https://sepsistrust.org
- Sepsis affects 25,000 children each year in the UK
- Sepsis kills 44,000 people every year in the UK
- Sepsis kills 5 people every hour in the UK
Sepsis is the body’s overwhelming and life-threatening response to infection that can lead to tissue damage, organ failure and death. Medically, sepsis is your body’s immune system over responding to an infection.
Donate to sepsis trust to help educate individuals and support those who have suffered from sepsis. I was incredibly lucky too of been made a priority on arrival at conquest hospital Hastings. I will always be grateful.
Intent For Content
Isn’t insecurity the most painful, mind consuming thing in the world? Doesn’t it take up so much of your time, happiness and headspace? As I sit here and write this I’m currently guilty of all of the above. The past 12 hours have been awful. I feel awful. I hate myself…but why? why do I do this?
Since I was a little girl I’ve always had slight insecurities but I was younger and not that fussed then. I don’t know how I’ve gotten to the point I am today. A complete mess. But i’m here and i’m trying to deal with it and as others would say… “get over myself”.
Its sad that society has a huge deal to do with this. That perfect image. Social media definitely doesn’t help. Realistically, everyone can say its all photo shop and filters, but a supermodel is still going to look like a supermodel without the filter. I mean it leads people to dark places, even getting surgery because they don’t feel good enough or like they match society’s idea of perfection. People, especially women, are destroying the beauty they were born with, going to far and getting hated on after its happened. If we took society, social media and comparisons out of the equation I bet 100% of women would be happier and prouder in there own skin.
The thoughts that consume my mind are that I am ugly. Im not worth it. Im a downgrade. Im fat. It constantly whirls round in my head and although sometimes I can leave it be…the thoughts are always there tip tapping back. My insecurity has destroyed my self confidence because I am constantly concerned that I am not a skinny girl with silicone on my chest and beautiful long blonde flowing hair. It makes me unhappy beyond belief and has made me so sensitive. I feel that once I have filler in my lips and extensions In my hair I will be better… why should I feel like that? Why should I change my image that I was happy with a few months ago because I don’t feel like i’m good enough?
I refuse to do this for much longer. I won’t keep putting myself down. I need to learn that comparison will always hurt me and that its not worth it because in reality…there will always be someone skinnier, someone will always be prettier and someone will always be smarter. But they will never be me…
Intent for Content