We’re not just students

A Personal Perspective, Uncategorised

University.

It’s not just appearing to lectures, going to the library, studying in your personal time and submissions. Students will understand this. Whether you’re a student that goes partying all the time spending your overdrat because hey its interest free right, so why not? or one that enjoys being introverted, maybe with a book or a netflix binge after the popular cheap meal of a £1.00 pizza or a pasta and sauce…either way, after countless conversations and a couple of twitter threads with people across the UK and even some in America! I’ve been able to establish some regular, unexplained thoughts that a student deals with.

  1. Loneliness – this is a huge, however, strange feeling a student experiences. You can be surrounded by so many people, those you’re living with, studying with or going out with yet feel completely alone. I’ve felt like this. I find it hard to explain to people because you can’t really. It’s a pang of feeling that randomly comes over you yet overrides you.
  2. Insecurity – THIS is an important one for some people. How could it not be, we’re all teenagers living in blocks of flats or shared housing together – It is human instinct to compare. I did this a LOT when I first moved here… I did it so much that I spent hundreds of pounds on hair extensions so I could find some form of confidence. I have realised now since settling that to put your mind in such a negative space is dangerous, especially when you are miles away from home.
  3. Self deprication – As students we compare ourselves and our ability academically to others which is an additive to the comparison problems…it leads to thoughts such as “why am I here” “Have I made the right decision”…”They’re better than me”.
  4. Money – I spose there have been some positives and negatives to having 7p in my account…its a mad one but it is severely stressful to so many students – loans not covering your rent, parents are f**king skint and so are you, so you crumble under the financial pressure waiting for future employers to get back to you to pay you minimum wage whilst balancing lectures, sleep a social life and getting work done – Although I hate to admit it, having no money has helped me to focus in on what really matters, the people around me…the living not the life kinda thing. – I will always understand that unexplained feeling though… I get it!

I wanted to write about these thoughts and feelings because of the conversations I’ve had and the amount of people that have agreed with me is scary – but I have gotten them to talk about it, not suffer in there own mind and find a place of calm. There is a lot of stigma around students and student life, mostly associated with partying…but what about the rest? Sometimes people think we all have it so easy…

We’re not just students.

Intent for content

x

p.s – a lot of you have been getting in touch from my instagram (tatianaxmurray) and I love it! That is where I am mostly if you ever need to find me or want me to write a follow up post about university, hmu! xx

Contentment

A Personal Perspective

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

Weightloss

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Have you ever felt pressured to lose weight? Ever been on a massive 7 day binge, eating anything and everything that falls on your pathway…or maybe felt like you need to lose 5 pounds before you agree to a date with that girl or guy? Whatever it is I understand. I have been there and still go back there. Sometimes the easier option is to swing into mcdonalds or eat copious amounts of french stick with butter…yum!

Now, a bit about me and how my journey became my journey!…

I have always struggled with my size from a young age, I never really knew when to say no to food or what was good for me and what wasn’t. However, I was active and did things such as bike riding, horse riding, swimming and always got dragged on bloody 10 mile dog walks with my mum…much to a younger girls delight!

My severe weight gain came when I was diagnosed with glandular fever. I had it very badly and couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed some days because my body felt so weak that it was a challenging task. The tonsilitis was probably the worst part…as well as catching any germ that surfaced itself, as it would completely wipe my body out to unbearable extents. This is where the weight began to pile on badly. Where I wasn’t exercising and was constantly cooped up in doors…like a chicken in its hutch at night time, I filled a void with food. I didn’t have many friends during my time with glandular fever as they were all at school socialising, so I felt very much alone… which was also a contributing factor to gaining weight, as cheesy pasta became my best friend. The photo to the left of this paragraphs shows me at a whopping 17 stone which converted is 107 kg and 238 pounds. I was only 15 years old. This was an extremely bad weight to be at, especially at such a young age.

When it was time for me to ease back into school as my glandular fever was becoming weaker and my immune system was becoming stronger, I clung to food. It was my soul comfort when dealing with the anxieties of seeing everyone in my classes and wondering what everyone was thinking about when they saw I had grown a double chin and had a metaphorical tyre hanging off my stomach. I ate and ate and ate…junk food, pots of nutella, kinder bueno bars, crisps, burgers…everything. The worst part was I couldn’t stop and was using the now residing glandular fever as an excuse.

However, one day it clicked for me. I remember that day clearly at school. I could see my cellulite covered legs moving as I walked, showing clearly through my opaque school tights. I felt aware of the fat roll on my stomach as I sat down on my chair in citizenship studies…I grabbed my scarf and tried to hide my tummy with it…like that was going to make me 4 stone lighter. When I got home from school that day and walked up my stairs, I got out of breath, the feeling of breathlessness after walking up 12 steps was the tip of the iceburg for me. I knew then and there that I could not under any circumstances live my life like this. From that day then it all changed…

I put myself in an immediate calorie defecit. I went from consuming roughly 10,000 calories in fat and sugar to consuming 1500 calories in protein. I signed up for a gym membership and got myself down the gym 5 times a week after my school day had finished. I aimed to burn 300-500 calories a day whether that was on the cross trainer, bike or rowing machine. That was my goal. I achieved that goal and since then I haven’t gone back to my past.

Don’t get me wrong I do fall off the healthy band wagon, but that’s because i’m human and I am allowed to have good days and bad days. But my behaviour changes when I don’t eat properly or drink enough water or exercise. I feel lethargic and down and get bad headaches from consuming the junk food. So when I fall off, I always remember to get back on….

I hope you enjoyed reading

Intent For Content

x

Lanzarote Living

Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Playa blanca beach was where you would find me if you lost me whilst on holdiay. I loved it there. We loved it there.

It delivered a feeling of home comfort whilst abroad, because everything was rather English orientated, however, you knew you were away because the glorious sun would be bouncing off of your white, suncream coated forehead…Because us brits are always petrified of burning when abroad.

The best feeling was waking up in a cool, air conditioned villa and sliding the doors to a gush of warm air…ahh I miss that in these igloo temperatures. I would get a bowl of watermelon (because watermelon is one billion times nicer in a foreign country) and lie on a sunlounger until it got so hot that I would need to pad quickly to the swimming pool, or if I was at the beach the sea, to prevent severe non womanly sweating from extreme heat.

Minutes would turn to hours of relaxation whilst the sun rotated around us, changing colour or disappearing for a second as clouds covered it like a big blanket made out of water vapour. As the glowing ball of happiness calmed down in the sky, we would change out of our soggy swimsuits and head for dinner. There was only ever one thing had on the menu. A massive bullchop steak. You would pay so little for so much meat and love it every time…definitley worth the euros. After filling up on half a cow and creamy mashed potatoes with a tiny serving of vegetables, we would plod to the market stools…

I loved doing this merely because as a girl I love to be nosey and to shop…both qualities go hand in hand with eachother when away on holiday. Something even better than that was seeing the sun tucking itself away for the night and leaving the most beautiful deep orange and purple glow behind, as the town would be lit from lanterns, street lights and candles. It would mesmerise me everytime just because you don’t get to witness such scenery back in England. Something quite special really. After a browse around the quirky stools and a quick aloe vera drink – these are the best if you ever go away and see them! – we would head back to the villa to sit in the hot tub and chat about life until our beds were all we wanted.

As the sunshine tucked itself away in the mountains…we walked. x
I padded to the pools edge with my massive bowl of watermelon, refusing to budge an inch. x
Ahhh the gorgeous playa blanca seafront…where all means of tanning, burning and eating would take place. x
The bullchop steak/cow…im full just looking at this photo. x

Hope you enjoyed reading… would you like to see more stories, memories or maybe me mixing it up a bit with photos and products? let me know.

Intent For Content

x

Sunset

Descriptive Pieces, Travel, Places & Lifestyle

Deep oranges and yellows interacting with each other in the sky…dipping in and out of the clouds, deepening in colour as the time changes…like a kaleidoscope, bursting with colour. Drifting peacefully.

When i’m told to envision beauty, I think of a sunset. I think of the way the colours glow and beam down on everything beneath them. The way they bounce off of buildings and rest on peoples faces. In summer, when you stay at the waters edge just a while longer…you can see the reflection in the water as the beach has emptied and everything rests, still.

I loved that about summer. I loved taking some time to myself, after work or after seeing friends. I would walk along the seafront in the evenings just watching…unwinding and thinking whilst watching the colours change the further I walked. When I was on holiday  my family and I would walk along the promenade in the evenings after dinner watching the sunset, chatting about what our plans were when we left the beautiful island we were on. Everyone was completely at peace. Like they should be.

Sunsets are a fragment of life that makes me happy. Its completely free to appreciate the beauty and the colours they provide you with. Above are some gorgeous sunsets I’ve witnessed this year.

What makes you happy?

Intent for Content

x

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