Contentment

My views on contentment have completley changed these past few months. I feel like without realising I was searching for someone to feel whole. However , I have learnt that you don’t need somebody to feel whole or content…

I hadn’t really taken a step back to look at how my life was because I was engulfed in a routine of not being alone, spending time alone or thinking alone. That was the routine I thought I liked or the one I was forced into. But life for me isn’t like that now.

I have fallen in love with my own routine and my own life all over again. I love snuggling up at night by myself and watching tv before I go to bed in my own bedroom, with my own thoughts. I love going to the gym alone and swimming or sitting in the steam room alone. I love the fact that I have my independance back as it was stolen from me and replaced was a shell of the woman I am now. I was being supressed which in exchange made me depressed . I had no plans for my future however now I know I have a future. I am strong and resilient and kind to others and myself…I am so glad that I am back…

Extracting the bad out of your life is a huge step towards contentment and learning that contentment is found within yourself is another point to remember. Don’t get me wrong I love the people I have surrounding me, because they are the right people, they can make me laugh and smile and take any pressure I might be feeling away. They are kind and helpful and provide me with a metaphorical place I can call home. They contribute to my contentment inside and out and I am grateful they exist.

When it boils down to it…at the end of the day, you are you and always will be so it is important to find contentment your own way…

Lots of love

Intent for content x

Weightloss

Have you ever felt pressured to lose weight? Ever been on a massive 7 day binge, eating anything and everything that falls on your pathway…or maybe felt like you need to lose 5 pounds before you agree to a date with that girl or guy? Whatever it is I understand. I have been there and still go back there. Sometimes the easier option is to swing into mcdonalds or eat copious amounts of french stick with butter…yum!

Now, a bit about me and how my journey became my journey!…

I have always struggled with my size from a young age, I never really knew when to say no to food or what was good for me and what wasn’t. However, I was active and did things such as bike riding, horse riding, swimming and always got dragged on bloody 10 mile dog walks with my mum…much to a younger girls delight!

My severe weight gain came when I was diagnosed with glandular fever. I had it very badly and couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed some days because my body felt so weak that it was a challenging task. The tonsilitis was probably the worst part…as well as catching any germ that surfaced itself, as it would completely wipe my body out to unbearable extents. This is where the weight began to pile on badly. Where I wasn’t exercising and was constantly cooped up in doors…like a chicken in its hutch at night time, I filled a void with food. I didn’t have many friends during my time with glandular fever as they were all at school socialising, so I felt very much alone… which was also a contributing factor to gaining weight, as cheesy pasta became my best friend. The photo to the left of this paragraphs shows me at a whopping 17 stone which converted is 107 kg and 238 pounds. I was only 15 years old. This was an extremely bad weight to be at, especially at such a young age.

When it was time for me to ease back into school as my glandular fever was becoming weaker and my immune system was becoming stronger, I clung to food. It was my soul comfort when dealing with the anxieties of seeing everyone in my classes and wondering what everyone was thinking about when they saw I had grown a double chin and had a metaphorical tyre hanging off my stomach. I ate and ate and ate…junk food, pots of nutella, kinder bueno bars, crisps, burgers…everything. The worst part was I couldn’t stop and was using the now residing glandular fever as an excuse.

However, one day it clicked for me. I remember that day clearly at school. I could see my cellulite covered legs moving as I walked, showing clearly through my opaque school tights. I felt aware of the fat roll on my stomach as I sat down on my chair in citizenship studies…I grabbed my scarf and tried to hide my tummy with it…like that was going to make me 4 stone lighter. When I got home from school that day and walked up my stairs, I got out of breath, the feeling of breathlessness after walking up 12 steps was the tip of the iceburg for me. I knew then and there that I could not under any circumstances live my life like this. From that day then it all changed…

I put myself in an immediate calorie defecit. I went from consuming roughly 10,000 calories in fat and sugar to consuming 1500 calories in protein. I signed up for a gym membership and got myself down the gym 5 times a week after my school day had finished. I aimed to burn 300-500 calories a day whether that was on the cross trainer, bike or rowing machine. That was my goal. I achieved that goal and since then I haven’t gone back to my past.

Don’t get me wrong I do fall off the healthy band wagon, but that’s because i’m human and I am allowed to have good days and bad days. But my behaviour changes when I don’t eat properly or drink enough water or exercise. I feel lethargic and down and get bad headaches from consuming the junk food. So when I fall off, I always remember to get back on….

I hope you enjoyed reading

Intent For Content

x

Comparison

Comparison is something that is always on my mind, Im always comparing myself thinking that I’m nothing compared to others, I pick apart my appearance and what makes me happy because of the way others look. It’s crazy that I actually allow myself to do this and cause myself unhappiness.

I thought it was just me until I was watching the tv last night. It was a dating programme. I was listening to these women talking about there past relationships. They had been cheated on and I was listening to them blame theirselves and question their appearance. I watched them crying as they spoke about comparing theirselves to the other person, it is not fair that women and maybe even men are made to feel like this either by another person or social media.

But what can help? I think about how I handle comparison…I handle it awfully. It sends me into a zone of insecurity I constantly look at the person I’m comparing myself to and think the worst.

However this week I feel as if I have had a break through within myself after constant doubting. I think my main source of happiness comes from exercise. I mean it takes a lot of motivation to get me into the gym but once I’m there I am happy and always try my best…then I leave satisfied with endorphins bouncing off of me. This week I haven’t thought so many disgusting thoughts about myself and my appearance which is what is normally bombarding my head and my heart. I have been exercising, taking care of myself and working. Now I sit here and write this post I am feeling content about me as a person, I am doing ok, I am doing better…and now I feel I know what to do if I am ever feeling down about myself. That is to exercise. However, I don’t expect to be completely clear of comparison.

To give anyone any advice. Although everyone is different. Never blame yourself for others actions and find an outlet that makes you happy and doesn’t involve others…

Intent For Content x

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